Lie
For the Scheherazade Project
In the black of night my mind wanders to many topics, but mostly in wanders to what could have been if I had it all to do again. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with that first boy, who broke my heart. My damaged heart stopped me from doing all the things that I should have. My wrecked soul was consumed with self doubt, loathing and indecision. When I should have been in school, I was worried about that first love of mine. I spent hours contemplating how to win his love and approval back. I took up running just so I could run past his house and spy on him.
If I had never fallen for him I wouldn’t have dropped out of school. If not for him I would not have ran away. I wouldn’t have left home at 16, and found my own way through many bumps and trials in my road. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t love me in the way I needed. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. If not for that first brutally painful love I would not have had a series of failed relationships. I would not forever want the love and approval from the wrong type of man.
In the black of night I go back to that summer before my sophomore year of high school and I don’t go to my friend’s house to meet her super hot neighbor. Every night it is different, some nights I don’t go to her house and then I never know that instant attraction; the immediate, physical and overwhelming response to another human. Other times I go but I don’t accompany him on that first date. Sometimes I end it when he still loves me as much as I loved him, but I know that would never have happened so I don’t let my mind contemplate that one.
I am sure my life would have been so different if I could have just changed that summer before my sophomore year of high school.
In the black of night my mind wanders to many topics, but mostly in wanders to what could have been if I had it all to do again. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with that first boy, who broke my heart. My damaged heart stopped me from doing all the things that I should have. My wrecked soul was consumed with self doubt, loathing and indecision. When I should have been in school, I was worried about that first love of mine. I spent hours contemplating how to win his love and approval back. I took up running just so I could run past his house and spy on him.
If I had never fallen for him I wouldn’t have dropped out of school. If not for him I would not have ran away. I wouldn’t have left home at 16, and found my own way through many bumps and trials in my road. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t love me in the way I needed. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. If not for that first brutally painful love I would not have had a series of failed relationships. I would not forever want the love and approval from the wrong type of man.
In the black of night I go back to that summer before my sophomore year of high school and I don’t go to my friend’s house to meet her super hot neighbor. Every night it is different, some nights I don’t go to her house and then I never know that instant attraction; the immediate, physical and overwhelming response to another human. Other times I go but I don’t accompany him on that first date. Sometimes I end it when he still loves me as much as I loved him, but I know that would never have happened so I don’t let my mind contemplate that one.
I am sure my life would have been so different if I could have just changed that summer before my sophomore year of high school.
posted by Spin_Doc1 at
6:04 PM
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