A circle has too much symmetry

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

First Loves

My youngest sister Susan is getting married. Susan is my half-sister and was raised in my father’s home, and isn’t like my other sister Brittany (or me). Susan is fat and really annoying and kind of stupid. I know it sounds harsh but it is true, she is 25 and is marrying her first boyfriend. The planning of Susan’s wedding has got me thinking about my first love and whether or not it would be a good idea to marry your first love.

I went into my first love with no reservations, no inhibitions, no cautions, no shame, no pride and completely unprepared. He was beautiful, tall and skinny. All these years later I still like them tall and skinny. I remember his full name, after he rejected me I used his name as a swear word. I still use part of his name for passwords, I remember his birthday was in the fall and that is about it.

I couldn’t let go of him, I gave my entire heart to him and I have never even come close to doing that again. I have never loved someone so completely since and I know I never will. I actually regret that I am incapable of loving like that again. Fortunately I did eventually let go of him but it took me years, good thing I fell for him when I was only 15. I was over him sometime around 19. I am so glad he rejected me because I would have never been able to let go of him and if I had stayed with him I know I would not like the person I am now and I DO like the person I am now.

My concern for Susan is she will love her man completely and won't be able to let go and he won’t be good for her, just like my first love was not good for me.

9 Comments:

  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger G-Fry, at 11:56 AM  

  • At least you got the chance to become cynical for yourself. I've never dated a girl longer than six months, definitely never been in love, and I'm still absolutely terrified by the idea of opening up that wholly to someone.

    Chances are that I'll become the un-famous George Clooney. With a lot fewer dates. Because I don't look anything like George Clooney.

    Sorry about the repost---messed up something in the first one. : )

    By Blogger G-Fry, at 11:58 AM  

  • G-Fry,

    You are missing out, falling in love is the best feeling on the planet. And I am never going to wholly open up to someone again, I tried that and it was a very bad idea.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 7:43 AM  

  • My opinion is that when you find that "Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect" you WILL open up wholly again... because you won't be able help yourself! :)

    By Blogger chesneygirl, at 8:48 AM  

  • You have so much to offer, you just haven't found the right one yet. Keep an open mind, it's going to happen when you least expect it.

    By Blogger i used to be me, at 4:57 PM  

  • Chesney Girl and Genius,

    I am not looking. I have my hands full with my romantic life as it is all I need to happen is mister right stumble along and I ask him if he is going to pitch a tent. I positive that whole first love ship sailed a decade ago.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 7:30 AM  

  • Wow, I way over-identified with this post. I married my high school sweetheart and it did NOT go well. We tried but 7 years later, he lives in CA and I live in TX. Trust me, it's better that way.

    I tried once-thought I might be falling in love again, but had my heart broken and squooshed like a little bug. So I'm done. I'm a little cynical. By a little, I actually mean a bunch.

    By Blogger Izzybella, at 1:32 PM  

  • Izzy Bella,
    I will still fall partially in love but not completely, it is enough.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 11:28 AM  

  • First time, I wanted to shout it to the stars. It didn't work out.
    I've only had 3 loves, the next 2 took awhile to set in (so to speak).
    I think first is different, you go all out, you guard your heart after that.

    By Blogger Rainwolf, at 11:21 PM  

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