I worry too much

Friday

The mass did not have the physical appearance of a standard benign tumor, it contained more white tissue. Of course I won’t know what that really means until Thursday. I am also supposed to leave on my rafting trip next week. I still have not decided if I am going to cancel or not. It all depends on how Meadow is doing this evening. I pick her up in an hour and I will reserve final judgment on the trip until I see how she responds to the surgery.

Other than a rapidly growing mass on her back she seems unaffected by events. She is still a terror except when sleeping. She still loves her belly rubbed more than anything in the world. She knows her sit command and walks well on a leash. I was planning on starting her in school next month.

I can’t help but worry about this thing. The only thing I know now is that it isn’t a mast cell tumor and it is not a Histiocytoma nor did it contain a foreign object that behaved very bizarrely. I don’t even know the probabilities, is it more probable that it is malignant cancer? It really isn’t logical to worry about it at this stage. And even if it is cancer I don’t the possible treatment options. I think I am being very irrational with this whole thing. Perhaps I am preparing myself for the worst, when I lost Frodo I was devastated for 2 years. It took me that long to be willing to love something (anything) again.

Sunday

Meadow is truly unaffected by the surgery, see is still a terror.