Damn Cinderella

Well I wasn’t eaten by a shark; in fact I did not even see a shark. Pretty much everyone else saw sharks but nope not me, I didn’t get to see the eel either, apparently it was right under me too. Hum I am wondering if the ocean might not be the place for me, since I am completely unaware of my surroundings.

I am now getting ready to go white water rafting. It is my annual trip, however I will not be intentionally swimming the rapids this year as the river is flowing at 60,000 cubic feet/second and I am not completely crazy, that number is big to me too.

My life has been pretty lack luster lately. I am busy. I have been traveling a ton. I am playing soccer, softball and still dancing this season. I can’t seem to break out of the “just for now guy” pattern. I really would like some alone time. I have been in a relationship since I was 15, no kidding since I was 15. On some level I must like being in a relationship(because I am always in one) but on another level I really don’t want one right now, or even ever. I try to break them off but then I feel so bad about hurting someone else and it is nice to have someone who takes care of the things I don’t want to do. It is times like now that running away sounds like a great idea; then I don’t have to deal with the break-up in person.

I think the men in my life sense my desire to be alone; they schedule things they know I can’t say no to months in advance, my favorite opera, concert, and ballet or vacation destination. Or perhaps they are just trying to be nice and not trying to get me to commit to anything long term. Maybe one day I will wake up and wish I had settled down with some “just for now guy” in my past but I am really waiting for the guy that sweeps me away. Damn Cinderella!!