Practice Talks

Everyone here, junior and senior people are strongly encouraged to give a practice talk for the APS meeting. This year I have the added benefit of presenting garbage at the meeting. I have done everything short of flat out refusing to present to get my mentor to change his mind, but I am still stuck presenting trash. Everyday I take comfort in the fact that I have another position secured and will be leaving my nightmare job soon. I was prepared to take a lot of punishment when I gave my practice talk, because it is shit data and an implausible explanation, but despite being prepared for abuse, it felt bad!

Oh I just got used, abused and put away wet! It was bad! The whole place took turns in verbally abusing my talk. I knew it was going to be like that and I tried to tell my mentor but knowing it was coming did not make me feel any better. I have great stuff to show, I still can't believe he made me do that. It was SOOOOO BAD!!! I looked like a complete idiot in front of everyone, maybe which is why he made me do it?????

I did take minor comfort in not actually giving the worst practice talk, because what I lack in substance I make up for with style. Nose Hair Guy gave the most painful talk to listen too. I counted him saying Ah 215 times in four minutes. Nose Hair guy talked for 23 minutes, remember these are suppose to be 10 minute talks. At one point I whispered to Sara, “Maybe it is an invited talk” and she burst out laughing. And of course I started laughing too; being in the last row of the conference room we were well aware of the fact that everyone in the room turned around to look at us. Every time someone shot us daggers with their eyes, I just started laughing harder. Sara could not control her laughter either. I am surprised they did not kick us out of the meeting. It was a nice way to end the day.