Don't feed the bears

I talked with Janeane this morning as she was frantically getting food ready to take to work today. In an effort to bring camaraderie to her workplace she suggested they start a Taco Bar Friday, which on the surface seems like a good idea right? Wrong, Janeane is in a male dominated field (just like me), and not one of her male co-workers actually did anything for Taco Bar Friday. She was left with the entire burden of stocking the Taco Bar today.

I was not surprised by this behavior in her co-workers; however I was surprised that Janeane did not see her behavior as hurting her career. Instead of being considered equal by the men in the office, she had moved herself to the position of secretary by doing things a secretary would do. She is not Betty Crocker or their mother and should not be feeding her co-workers. Sure they will eat the food and thank her for it, but they won’t consider it a quality for a promotion. Instead all the extra time she spends “taking care” of the men at work will be seen as time she in not doing her job.

In a male dominated workplace, women have to play the game like a man. This includes not doing traditional women things, like feeding everyone. There are countless books on the subject, like Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, and I am surprised at how many women I run across who still exhibit behaviors that hurt their careers.

Janeane asked me, “Why do I have to abandon my femininity to succeed? Can’t I be a woman and still get the corner office?” My simple answer is, “No”. I did tell her that change comes from the top down, and if she wanted to facilitate change in perceptions and attitudes she had to do it from the top down. It sucks, but it is the reality that women face in the workplace, especially in fields where less than 10% (or 4% in my field) of the positions are occupied by women.