No drugs for me
It seems the entire planet is on some kind of mood altering drug. Well at least everyone in my immediate frame of reference is on some kind of mood altering drug. A part of me has always thought that taking this kind of medication was a bad thing. I am not talking about people who genuinely need these drugs, my frame of reference here is my family. However lately I have considered taking mood-altering drugs myself. Now on the eve of my appointment with the doctor to get these drugs I am faced with my own internal reasons on why these drugs are bad and not for me (or any of my family members).
The reason I wanted the drugs is because I no longer wanted to deal with the stress in my life. I no longer wanted to feel sad or trapped. I no longer wanted to feel at all. I had heard these drugs make you numb and that sounded fabulous to me. That is what I wanted, to feel numb. However if I feel numb I won’t do anything to change the things that are not going well in my life. And sometimes changing things is hard, and some things in my life hurt, but they are supposed to hurt. I realized today that no matter how much my life might suck at the time I need to feel the pain or I will never make the changes necessary to avoid future pain. I still wish for a miracle pill, but I am going to stay away from mood altering drugs.
I had another thought, what if I lack the courage to change things? Then wouldn’t being numb all the time be a good thing? Oh I already know the counter argument, if I am numb I can’t experience the good emotions too. In general I am a very happy and positive person and I don’t want to numb those emotions too.
The reason I wanted the drugs is because I no longer wanted to deal with the stress in my life. I no longer wanted to feel sad or trapped. I no longer wanted to feel at all. I had heard these drugs make you numb and that sounded fabulous to me. That is what I wanted, to feel numb. However if I feel numb I won’t do anything to change the things that are not going well in my life. And sometimes changing things is hard, and some things in my life hurt, but they are supposed to hurt. I realized today that no matter how much my life might suck at the time I need to feel the pain or I will never make the changes necessary to avoid future pain. I still wish for a miracle pill, but I am going to stay away from mood altering drugs.
I had another thought, what if I lack the courage to change things? Then wouldn’t being numb all the time be a good thing? Oh I already know the counter argument, if I am numb I can’t experience the good emotions too. In general I am a very happy and positive person and I don’t want to numb those emotions too.
posted by Spin_Doc1 at
4:04 PM
2 Comments:
Spin - You know my experience. The drugs do work for some people, but do you really want to take the chance that they will numb you to nothingness like they did to me? I still truly believe that the only way to beat Depression is through rolling your sleeves up and having a good crack at life, rather than using drugs to grey you out. Fire in the belly is still the best way to stand up to the black dog and kick it in the guts.
I think the turning point is when the fear of settling for the known is greater than the fear of the unknown. Taking drugs dulls your response to the known, but it doesn't change it. You just end up marking time. This is fine if you're so depressed that you're immoblised or suicidal, but if you're not, marking time is the last thing you want to do.
You know the best form of treatment I have found? Blogging it all out. Just write post after post about how you feel. Dredge up whatever shit from your past and present is weighing you down. Once you put it out there, it suddenly feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Good luck Spin. You know you have supporters here. xxx
By
Imelda, at 8:12 AM
Imelda,
I was ready to sign up for the happy pills until I read your recent posts, they are what changed my mind. Thank you.
By
Spin_Doc1, at 9:15 AM
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