A circle has too much symmetry

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Question

Dear Readers,

I have a question and unfortunately I do not know how to put up a poll (like the Anonymous Coward) thus you will have to leave your answers in the comment section. If you find yourself in a place where you want/love someone more than they love you, do you:

A. Stay with that person and hope that over time their feelings change to match your own?

Or do you

B. Leave and look for someone whose feeling will equal your own?


And finally what are the potential risks of either answer and how do you deal with them?

Sincerely,

Spin Doc

posted by Spin_Doc1 at 6:40 PM

16 Comments:

  • OY.

    As an outsider, I'd have to go with B. Find someone that feels for you, what you feel for them. If it's not enough for you now, I guarantee you it won't be enough five years from now.

    However, if I were the person who had to make the decision, it would be much harder. Just thinking of the hurt and then the finding of someone new wears me out.

    Did you want just an A or B answer? Sorry. This hasn't been very helpful has it.

    I guess you have to decide if you want to go through the pain now or later. I don't envy you that.

    By Blogger Michelle, at 7:47 PM  

  • You're a bright, caring, kind, interesting, funny woman. You should be with someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Is this just about whether he has the potential to love you, or is it also about whether he has the potential to love you the way you SHOULD be loved?

    When your heart is aching, its hard to remember that there are lots of other people out there, a few of them worthy of someone as wonderful as you.

    By Blogger Theresa, at 8:56 PM  

  • I think it depends a lot on the situation. Are the people you're talking about together since a month, or ten years? Are they going to a rough time after having been together for a long time? Or have they just met and it just won't work out? Every couple will have to work through problems at some point, so you can't just give up at the first problem. On the other hand, there are tons of red flags that people often chose to ignore when they first meet someone. It's all about putting things in perspective.
    So, if it's been about a month and you feel that you're not looking for the same thing, chances are you're right. Dump!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:29 PM  

  • Either one is going to hurt like a bitch, but imagine this...

    you are pulling a bandaid off a cut...do you rip that sucker off quickly and deal with the mometary pain or do you slowly peel it off and revel in the masochistic pain?

    It's not really rocket science and the fact you ask means you know what to do...look for someone who will love you equally...or accept your role as doormat.

    By Blogger Indiana, at 8:42 AM  

  • Naive,
    You did help. It always helps to hear what someone else thinks.

    Theresa,
    You are so sweet! I do deserve to be loved the way I want.

    Jean-Marc,
    Are you fishing for information? Sorry that information is top secret.

    Indiana,

    It always seems like I am choosing betweeen pain now and pain later.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 9:20 AM  

  • I'm not fishing for info, coz I don't give a shit really. Those are questions to put things in perspective and stop being weak, the answers to which are like rain on the umbrella of my indifference.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:36 AM  

  • I don't have any advice, I'd probably be the last person you'd want to take advice from anyway.

    By Blogger i used to be me, at 10:38 AM  

  • I was in a situation where I loved a woman with everything I had. I loved her so much that it didn't matter that she didn't love me the same way. When she said she wanted an open relationship, I agreed because I loved her and I wanted her happy and I couldn't make her happy all by myself. I wasn't enough for her. And I hoped that my unconditional love would grow on her and help her love me unconditionally back.

    But it didn't and the whole situation turned into years of pain and longing and I missed out on a lot. And in the end it hurt like hell when it ended. And that was on top of years of pain. Pain and more pain.

    I say leave now. Get the pain over with.

    Instead of taking lessons on how to accomodate pain and its myriad forms into your daily life. Get lessons instead on how to do things loving for yourself.

    Of course, I'm writing this as if it were you making this decision, but I also know that it may not be.

    By Blogger Trista, at 12:09 PM  

  • Hon, you deserved to be cherished, loved, and respected. Sometimes it's better to let go and let it hurt like hell. The pain will subside and you become a much stronger individual as a result. And in time, others will notice your strength and character. Who knows, you may catch the eye of the "one" whose feelings will equal your own. (This all being said with the assumption that it's your situation. If not, then my bad.)

    By Blogger Joy, at 1:19 PM  

  • Genius,
    I am sure you give great advice!

    Joy and Trista,
    The decision has already been maded it is just dealing with the pain that makes me uncertain of the choice, but your words remind me that I made the right one.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 3:35 PM  

  • You can pull the rug out now, or have the rug pulled out from under you later.

    It is easier to be standing with a rug in your hand than lying flat on your back with a knot on your head and a big bruise on your ass.

    That's just my (experienced) opinion.

    By Blogger Nashville Knucklehead, at 4:30 PM  

  • email me spinner, if you would.
    personanongrata@rocketmail.com

    i may have advice afterall

    By Blogger i used to be me, at 7:28 PM  

  • Spin,

    Look at it this way... every second you waste with Mr Not Quite Right is another second where you might miss the opportunity to find Mr Absolutely Right.

    Think of a life without Mr NQR as a positive investment in your future, not a loss.

    We only get one shot at life on this planet - why not make yours the best it can possibly be? Don't ever settle for second best, even if it seems like the easier option.

    By Blogger Imelda, at 5:49 AM  

  • Nashville,
    I pulled the rug out now, but I still feel bruised.

    Imelda,
    Your positive attitude is amazing!

    Genius,
    I will contact you soon.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 1:42 PM  

  • My mum always says, better an ending in horror than a horror without ending. I never was able to follow her advice.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:39 PM  

  • Ellen,

    Your mother is amazing. It is great advice too.

    By Blogger Spin_Doc1, at 9:54 AM  

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