Coming home, not a sweet homecoming

I returned to this place for a man. Judge all you want and condemn all you want; everything you are thinking is probably true and more. What I didn’t realize is either the man or this place (probably both) suppresses something in me, something that is interesting and good. For those of you who don’t know here is a little glimpse of what I was before returning here and what I hope to be again now that the man is gone and hopefully soon the place.

Little big

A little drugs
a little alcohol
a little suffering
a little counseling
a little hell for a little girl.
A big career
a big car
a big mortgage
a big shopping list
a big life for a big girl

You remind me

You say I remind you of girl you once knew
You remind me of how to fall in love
You remind me of butterflies in the stomach
You remind me of being beautiful
You remind of heart skipping moments
You remind of being free
You remind me that life can be carefree
You remind me of pain and uncertainty
You remind me of responsibilities
You remind me of goals and dreams
You remind me of why I don’t want to be free
You remind me that there is more to life than this
You remind me that I hate falling in love
I say you remind me of place I never want to be

To the man who loved me unconditionally

Can I walk a mile in your shoes?
Can I match you stride for stride?
Your long legs and beautiful height
My little black shoes over tights
And you would never refuse
But now all I can do is cry.
And the memory of us brings a smile to my lips and a tear to my eye.
And my heart weeps

Read to me

You are hurt and unable to move. I want to help you. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to give you something wonderful and pure; you who have given me the greatest gift of all, your love. Let me find a story that will inspire you and not offended me. Let me take time out of my busy life to take you somewhere away from the pain and the monotony. Let me see your face light up when I walk through the door. Let me show how much I love you, and let me know that you know no one will ever replace you in my heart. Let me watch your features soften and drift to someplace peaceful as my voice whispers you to sleep, where you are safe and free from pain. Let me read to you.

I am hurt and the pain inside makes it hard to move. I want someone to help me. I want to be shown how much I can be loved. I want to find something wonderful and pure; someone to give me the greatest gift of all, again. Find me a story that will inspire me and make me smile. Take the time out of your life to lift me up in your embrace and comfort me for all time. Let me see the love in your face every time you look at me. Show me how much you love me; such that I never for one minute feel alone, and know that no one will ever replace me in your heart. Let my features relax and the tensions leave my body as you whisper me to sleep, where I am safe and free from pain. Someone please read to me.