I am not flawed
I have been involved with heartbreak (directly and indirectly) and I have learned something about myself during the experience. I don’t feel like I am fundamentally flawed when my heart is broken. I feel like I make very poor decisions regarding whom I choose to love but I don’t feel rejected or flawed on the other side of heartbreak. Oh I do feel like an idiot, I look at the whole process and say to myself “I should have known better, in fact I did know better.” The knowing better never seems to stop me or help me.
From various readings, I have found that heartbreak can make some people feel rejected and flawed. The saying; “What is wrong with me?” and “Why don’t they love me?” Occurred over and over in my readings. I am curious why this mentality seems to dominate failed relationships? Perhaps it stems from the idea that a person feels they are not worthy or deserving of love. However I know I am worthy and deserving of love. Some of the greatest people on the planet love me, and if they love me I know I am worthy of love. It is not just the validation of the love that I receive that makes me know I am worthy and deserving of love. Fundamentally all of us are worthy and deserving of love, but at times we pick people who are not right for us.
Picking the wrong person for us does not make us any less worthy or deserving of love, it just makes us bad decision makers when it comes to love. I have yet to figure out how to become a good decision maker in the love arena. When I approach it from the logical standpoint I end up with someone I respect but doesn’t make my tummy do flip-flops. When I follow my tummy I always end up making the wrong choice in partners. In my experience you can’t have both, but I hope I am wrong.
From various readings, I have found that heartbreak can make some people feel rejected and flawed. The saying; “What is wrong with me?” and “Why don’t they love me?” Occurred over and over in my readings. I am curious why this mentality seems to dominate failed relationships? Perhaps it stems from the idea that a person feels they are not worthy or deserving of love. However I know I am worthy and deserving of love. Some of the greatest people on the planet love me, and if they love me I know I am worthy of love. It is not just the validation of the love that I receive that makes me know I am worthy and deserving of love. Fundamentally all of us are worthy and deserving of love, but at times we pick people who are not right for us.
Picking the wrong person for us does not make us any less worthy or deserving of love, it just makes us bad decision makers when it comes to love. I have yet to figure out how to become a good decision maker in the love arena. When I approach it from the logical standpoint I end up with someone I respect but doesn’t make my tummy do flip-flops. When I follow my tummy I always end up making the wrong choice in partners. In my experience you can’t have both, but I hope I am wrong.
posted by Spin_Doc1 at
3:14 PM
9 Comments:
Because I like being a smart-ass, here's a quote from Oscar Wilde, taken from his De Profundis:
"[...] let us say that every one is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is."
Just teasing of course ;)
By
Anonymous, at 6:51 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
Ellen, at 10:30 PM
Spinner,
I ask the same question all the time. Where is the balance when it comes to finding someone who you can respect, yet at the same time give you butterfiles in your tummy? I wish I knew. *sigh*
By
Joy, at 11:01 PM
I like this post.
By
Ellen, at 11:23 PM
I think the most important part of finding the right person lies in knowing yourself, and being damn happy and proud of who you are.
And not settling.
The butterflies and the respect can be found in one or more people. I honestly believe that.
But then, I can't even enter the anti-spam code correctly - so you might want to ignore any advice coming from my yapper.
By
ZooooM, at 12:54 AM
I had to laugh at Zoooom's comment. Not at your expense or anything, it was just funny.
Spin~ What a wonderful revelation to come to and rest soundly knowing that you'll find just what you're looking for.
By
Michelle, at 10:56 AM
Jean-Marc,
You of all people would know if I am worthy of love.
Joy,
The butterfly ones always seem to cause me pain.
Ellen,
I am glad you liked it. Are you ready for the weekend?????
Zoom,
I hope you are right, and I have problems with the anti-spam too.
Naive,
Sometimes I lack the courage to even look.
By
Spin_Doc1, at 12:35 PM
Oh Spinner,
I wish you could see the amount of courage that I see in you! *hugs*
By
Joy, at 12:57 PM
Some people think everything is their fault because it makes them feel like they have some sort of control over an uncontrolable situation. "If I weren't flawed, or if it wasn't my fault, I wouldn't have been abandoned, and I wouldn't be in pain." .... but, I wouldn't know anything about such things ;)
Sounds like you're one step ahead of the game. Realizing that no matter how damn loveable we are, sometimes the people we love aren't able to be what we want them to be is a big pill to swallow.
By
Theresa, at 11:06 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home