Balance

Almost everyone has had their heart broken and it is the worst emotion I have ever experienced to date. The thing that no one tells you when your heart is broken that it is physically painful, the whole heart being ripped from the chest thing is not just a metaphor for your emotional pain it is a simile for your physical pain. I imagine a heart break is like any other physical pain eventually it fades and one day you wake up and you can’t remember what it physically felt like to be heart broken. On some level I always remember what it felt like because I do silly things to protect myself from it ever happening again. Of course it never works.

I find that I am relationship circle; I start with an extremely hot man who makes my heart rate speed up and puts butterflies in my stomach. I fall hard and fast for this man, almost to the point of obsession and it ends badly for both of us. I then spend around 6 months feeling very sorry for myself until I meet the second half of the circle. The next man I fall for loves me unconditionally, no matter how bitchy, irrational or (in)dependent I am he loves me. The second man is safe, secure and boring. He is attractive but not is the drop dead gorgeous sense that the first guy is, and eventually I break his heart. Then it is back to the man with the most amazing body that I have ever laid my hands on and it ends badly again.

Where is the balance? A man that makes every never ending in my body stand up and pay attention but still loves me in the way I demand?

Two more days until vacation!!