Bah Hum Bug Again
I don’t want to do Christmas this year. It is not any different than I felt last year and I was not allowed to boycott Christmas last year either. This year my family is taking a very hard stance with my Bah Hum Bug spirit. I was told directly from my mother to knock it off, and I was ruining Christmas for everyone with my attitude.
Perhaps if I converted to a non-Christian religion I would be allowed to boycott Christmas, let’s see what religion should I convert too? The first one that comes to mind is Judaism, but I know I would never be able to be Kosher. The wine is terrible. Oh I do like attending Seders, any dinner where I am required to drink a lot of wine is fine by me but I could never do that whole fasting thing before and temple on Saturday would suck too. Okay Judaism is out, how about Islam? Oh I already know that is not a good one for me; I bought a Koran to read and I randomly was flipping pages and ran across these little pearls of wisdom; Those who are guilty of an 'indecency' must be 'confined until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them.' (The Women, 4.15). 'Men are the maintainers of women' and 'good' women are obedient. Those that men fear 'desertion', can be admonished, confined and beaten' (The Women, 4.34). Not to mention the staples for Burqa-clad and veiled women and girls; beheadings, stoning to death, floggings, child sexual abuse in the name of marriage and sexual apartheid are only the most brutal and visible aspects of women's rightlessness and third class citizen status in the Middle East.
What about Buddhism? I hear a lot of good things about it except my family would never buy it (the whole conversion thing). I am not trying to inspire a religious debate here, I am just trying to find a graceful way out of Christmas. Last year I was able to get away with my Bah Hum Bug spirit being 2000 miles away from my family, which is a very good thing too. What I really need to do is move away from my family again.
Perhaps if I converted to a non-Christian religion I would be allowed to boycott Christmas, let’s see what religion should I convert too? The first one that comes to mind is Judaism, but I know I would never be able to be Kosher. The wine is terrible. Oh I do like attending Seders, any dinner where I am required to drink a lot of wine is fine by me but I could never do that whole fasting thing before and temple on Saturday would suck too. Okay Judaism is out, how about Islam? Oh I already know that is not a good one for me; I bought a Koran to read and I randomly was flipping pages and ran across these little pearls of wisdom; Those who are guilty of an 'indecency' must be 'confined until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them.' (The Women, 4.15). 'Men are the maintainers of women' and 'good' women are obedient. Those that men fear 'desertion', can be admonished, confined and beaten' (The Women, 4.34). Not to mention the staples for Burqa-clad and veiled women and girls; beheadings, stoning to death, floggings, child sexual abuse in the name of marriage and sexual apartheid are only the most brutal and visible aspects of women's rightlessness and third class citizen status in the Middle East.
What about Buddhism? I hear a lot of good things about it except my family would never buy it (the whole conversion thing). I am not trying to inspire a religious debate here, I am just trying to find a graceful way out of Christmas. Last year I was able to get away with my Bah Hum Bug spirit being 2000 miles away from my family, which is a very good thing too. What I really need to do is move away from my family again.
posted by Spin_Doc1 at
6:03 PM
7 Comments:
Scientology? You could say Tom and Katy invited you over for a nice steam bath/detox session so you'll have to forego familial festivities.
not sure how they feel about Christmas...unless they believe the Christ child was an alien.
By
i used to be me, at 10:47 PM
You could become a Jehovah Witness. They don't celebrate anything.
By
Joy, at 11:27 PM
You could always give them stories for Chistmas. Like ...
~ I didn't get you a gift because I lost all my money playing craps with Rudolph and Dixon, the parking garage attendants at work. I thought the fact that they had reindeer names was a good sign. I guess it was ... ... for Rudolph and Dixon.
or
~ My new AA sponsor told me that I need to hit the meetings really hard right now. I don't have time to shop for gifts. But Hey, maybe later we can run over to the store and I'll spring for a case of near-beer.
or
~ I'm saving all my money for a Russian mail-order husband. Come-on! Why should the guys have all the fun with those despeprate little ex-commie sluts?
Stories are good. I think they could become a popular gift item. Try this out and let me know how it goes. Better yet, video-tape it!
By
Theresa, at 7:43 AM
By the way, I really love Joy and U-Genius' ideas too.
By
Theresa, at 7:46 AM
Genius,
There is no way they would buy the scientology thing, but I do like the whole alien thing. I was is Rome for the wedding so it might work...
Joy,
Isn't that what Michael Jackson is? He is just too weird for me.
Theresa,
I love, love, love your ideas!! My family would believe them too. I love craps, and my extremely messed up family would love for me to have a drinking problem. I don't know about the whole Russian mail-order husband, but one from Jamaica would work just fine. How Spin-Doc got her groove back, I can see it now.
By
Spin_Doc1, at 9:39 AM
I think MJ used to be a JW. Nonetheless, it is a rather "uniquely interesting" religion. The thing is, they believe that only 144,000 will make it to paradise - so I guess you'll have to be REAL good if you wanna be part of that 144,000. :D
By
Joy, at 5:34 PM
Joy,
Oh no, I already have a first class ticket to hell!
By
Spin_Doc1, at 9:19 AM
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