A circle has too much symmetry

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Thursday in Chicago

I had the best visit in Chicago. I spent the holiday weekend with my very first BAW and his wife. We stayed up very late and slept in everyday. We drank way too much alcohol and experienced all the stuff the city had to offer. The train ended up being the focal point for all the truly bizarre experiences of the weekend.

Thursday we went to the Taste of Chicago and it was mildly entertaining. The crowds were insane. They were primarily composed of young people wearing radically inappropriate clothing. And a note to the not so fashion forward, if you squeeze your size 16 frame into size 6 outfit that belongs in a strip club do not go to a food festival and eat more! We wandered around the taste making fun of all the crazy people that crossed our path. I know it is mean but I am not known for being a nice person.

Eventually we made it to the water front and claimed our spot and proceeded to drink our fill in liquor. We brought extra, you know just in case the festival ran out. After the fireworks, which were the best in the nation, we made our way back through a million people to the train station. I have to say a crowd of a million people is something to behold and fortunately I had more alcohol in my veins than blood so I didn’t care that there was so many people.

In fact we played a real live version of Tetris meets pong while getting back to the station. Yes I was part of the really drunk string of people running through the crowd. I am sorry but it was a lot of fun and we made it to the train on time. Once on the train I promptly passed out only to be awoken 2 hours later by a young kid collapsing in our car. One of our friends went over to help and it soon became apparent that the young kid needed help bad. He had too much to drink and probably more and passed out; he also stopped breathing shortly before our stop. When he stopped breathing and started turning blue, one of our party started CPR and I dialed 911. Well to be fair I dialed 411 first, in my drunken panicked state, I stayed on the line with the 911 dispatch until they arrived at the train. I also pulled in the emergency stop handle, wow that was drama. I am not sure if the kid was okay, he couldn’t have been a day over 21.

That was the most dramatic/traumatizing train ride but the rest involved sex, vulgarity and public exposure.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

How to make a woman feel special Part II

My “How to make a woman feel special” post has received a lot of attention over the years. It continues to receive a lot of attention and people have requested that I update the post to include more suggestions. The most important thing then and now in keeping a woman happy in a relationship is to make her feel like she is special. The more successful you are at making her feel special the happier she will be.

When I first wrote the list I was compiling a “to do” list for a guy that I wanted to win my heart but instead I discovered it was wonderful opportunity for all my friends to reflect on what great guys they have in their lives. It made everyone a little happier and more appreciative of their lives for a while. Now I don’t want to reflect on what the men in my life do to make me feel special as I am trying to let go of them. However I will once again enlist the help of my friends (and readers) in making another list of what makes you feel special. So does the guy in your life do to make you feel special?

I will post the results when I return from Chicago.

She is such a slut

I think I need medication. Somewhere in my crazy thought process I thought it would be a great idea to get a roommate. My logic seemed flawless; I have a lot of space, I am gone all the time, a built in carpool to work, the extra money would be great and a help around the house would be greatly appreciated. The first flaw in my logic was apparent when all his stuff arrived, a lot of stuff; more than the 500 sq feet that I allotted to him! My kitchen cupboards, refrigerator and freezer are stuffed. I hate having so much clutter around even if it is out of sight, and not everything is out of sight. My second flaw was apparent when I was getting dressed for work in the morning and walking around nude it no longer an option. My third flaw was apparent when my traitor dog has decided sleeping with my roommate is better than sleeping with me. She is such a slut!