Still Here

Okay I have not left for DC yet; I really did not think I would have time to blog before my trip so I posted my out of blog notice a little early. One of the things that I must do before leaving my cubicle for an extended amount of time is that I have to clean out the various coffee mugs sitting around. Well that was not a good experience! I am a latte drinker, thanks to Ellen, and it is not a good idea to leave an unfinished latte out for an extended amount of time! I was shocked by the foul odor from my coffee mug when I took the lid off and I almost retched. I had to wash my hands multiple times before the foul stench was eliminated.

The other thing I have to take care of is my office is almost ready!! In two weeks time I am moving out of this cubicle to a “staging” cubicle and supposedly two weeks after that my office with real walls and a door will be ready! Yeah for me! My new office does not have a window but no buildings out here have windows. Well the VPs get windows but no windows on plant for safety reasons. I will have an office with a window one day, but I have only been here for 4 months, I am willing to wait a few years for the window with an office.

Vacation

I am going on vacation next week. I am not bringing my laptop either and won’t be blogging. Though to be honest I gave up on bringing anything work related on vacation years ago. I am not one of those people who think that their company would collapse without them. I also believe in taking time off even though I don’t use all the time I am given. I do use some of it.

I will be returning to DC for a week and I am a really looking forward to the trip. The obvious reasons are I am going to spend time with my friends and visit some of my old haunts. The other reason is this trip is going to be my final assessment on my decision to leave the big city. I am now in a job that I love and I can see myself with this company for the rest of my life. However I am really unhappy about everything else. I hate this place, but more than I hate this place, I hate the people but more than I hate the people I hate the look in their eyes.

Is DC really all that much better than small town USA? With the perspective of small town USA fresh in my mind I am going to make a comparison and then a decision on where my life should go next. Wish me luck.

5 things, past, future and today

The other night as I was struggling to find sleep my mind tumbled onto the following thoughts.

5 things I love about being adult

1. I never eat things I don’t like. I hated pork chops and applesauce as a child, which seems to be an American staple, and I have not had that meal since reaching adulthood.
2. I finally have the language to communicate my feelings, even if I don’t always do so, I no longer feel powerless in my ability to communicate with people.
3. I love going to bed at whatever time I want, and I love being able to sleep all day if I want.
4. I love having a car and being able to drive.
5. I love that I have an idea of who I am and who I want to be, almost everything in my life seemed to fall into place once I figured that out.


5 things I loved about being a child (when I was a child)

1. I loved playing with Barbie
2. I loved being the best at math in my grade. I was always able to finish my times tables first and I loved it. I loved the math competitions too, because I always won.
3. I loved when people told me how pretty I was, and I was pretty little girl. I especially loved when my mother would dress me up.
4. I loved making snow angles.
5. I loved playing Monopoly


5 things I loved about being a child, looking back with the values and experience of an adult

1. I loved being so skinny, I never once thought I was too fat or I needed to exercise more.
2. I love that my mother made me take 15 years of dance lessons; it gave me excellent posture, mind-body awareness, a healthy self-esteem and the ability to perform in public.
3. I love that my mother provided so many educational toys; eventually out of childhood boredom I played with all of them. I credit those toys with my ease in all things mathematical.
4. I love that I had such a wonderful man in my life as my grandfather.
5. I loved the ability to run and hide from life. I can no longer do that, because life will always be there when I return from my hiding place. I know this and no longer try to hide.


5 things I thought I would love about being an adult (when I was a child)

1. Money, I thought I would be able to buy whatever I wanted
2. Power, I thought no one would be able to boss me around when I was an adult, boy was I wrong about that one!
3. No longer having to go to school, I never in a million years thought I would do 10 years of post-high school education by choice
4. Glamour, I thought I would have a glamorous life, just like the people on television.
5. I thought everything would be easier when I was an adult, and I was right about that one. Everything is so much easier as an adult, I try to communicate that to my youngest brother but I am not sure he hears me.

5 things I think I will love about being even older than I am now. This one is the hardest one for me. I don’t want to even think about being older (in the physical sense). I also don’t think my core personality is going to change and I will still be dealing with the same shit only 10 years older.

1. I think I will love having my own personal assistant. A couple more steps on the corporate ladder and it will be there.
2. I think I will love having a corner office
3. I think I will love having a huge house; I am looking for property right now.
4. I think I will love traveling with my girlfriends, in a few years we will all have the money to take great vacations together.
5. I definitely look forward to being better at golf!

Feel free to copy this and fill it out for yourself, and let me know if you do!

And She Knows

This is my Scheherazade Project Entry; the subject is someone confronts a hard truth.

Everyone said she was the world’s best mother and her children were so lucky to have her. Her house was the house to play at; she supplied unlimited sodas, cookies and chips to all the neighborhood kids. If they were playing at her house she would order them all pizza, not even worrying about the price and if it would spoil their dinner. She never said no, even if they wanted to jump off the roof onto the trampoline she never said no. Her house was so clean too. Her house has an open door policy and every one is welcome there are no locks on the door. Everyone can partake of all the house has to offer, the pool, the hot tub, the basketball court, the trampoline, the completely stocked game room, and the children. And she knows

People come from everywhere to play there. All the neighborhood children play there at first. Different people come and go, some stay for a very long time. Everyone partakes in all the house has to offer, the pool, the hot tub, the basketball court, the trampoline, the completely stocked game room, and the children. And she knows

Years go by and she always praises her children to her friends. There are pictures of them all over the house, children painted by real artists. Beautiful children, in their portraits, in their adult photos too, but there are no recent pictures. Her children are so accomplished, a lawyer, a physicist and a veterinarian. Her friends are so puzzled that they never visit; she is the world’s best mother. Her children estrange the world’s best mother. Everyone has partaken in all the house has to offer, the pool, the hot tub, the basketball court, the trampoline, the completely stocked game room, and the children. And she knows, and the hard truth has not changed her open door policy where every one is welcome there are no locks on the door. Everyone can partake all the house has to offer, the pool, the hot tub, the basketball court, the trampoline, the completely stocked game room, and the children. And she knows

Traffic Court

Today I went to traffic court to fight a speeding ticket. I was not speeding when I received this ticket. I was traveling at 5 mph below the speed limit when the officer pulled me over and at the time of the allege speeding. I know this because I was following my co-workers to a park and ride and was thinking to myself that they were being ridiculously cautious with regards to the speed limit. I tried to tell the officer all of this and he dismissed me. I choose to fight this ticket as is my right under the law and I failed miserably!

I had great arguments, including statistics and calculations all in support of my case. I was calm and logical the entire time (well almost the entire time). I had to miss over a $1000 dollars worth of work hours going to court 3 different times, and in the end the judge totally ignored my arguments and found me guilty AND increased my fine. I talked with my brother (who is a lawyer) and he can do that. The judge wanted to teach me a lesson and learn a lesson I did but perhaps not the lesson he wanted too.

I learned not to be nervous in front of a judge or a courtroom. I learned that judges are the ultimate authority, and do not deserve to be. I learned that appointing judges for life is a really bad idea. I learned that judges have made up their minds before even hearing the case. I learned that our justice system is seriously flawed.

Towards the middle of the trial I could tell I was not going to win, especially after I examined the police officer and he said he lost visual contact with me numerous times and there were other cars on the road that looked just like my car, and the judge told me my questions were pointless. At that moment I said to the judge, “I am DOCTOR Spin” It all went downhill from there. Finally, the judge said it couldn’t be proved you weren’t speeding with equations. I informed the judge that I could prove I wasn’t speeding and I taught at a University for 2 years and was more than qualified to give him a lesson. This was at the very end after he had already declared me guilty and increased my fine (doubled it!). He was so angry he declared a recess and stormed out, I am surprised he didn’t yell “Contempt of Court”. According to my brother, I avoided contempt because technically the trial was over and he was no longer judging and I didn’t actually call him stupid and bull headed….

I had already lost, I might was well have my pound of flesh too.

Lyrics of the Week

JO DEE MESSINA
Bring On The Rain
(Jo Dee Messina with Tim McGraw)
(Billy Montana/Helen Darling)
Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (‘cause)

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle ‘round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I’m not dead

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain


AND I AM NOT AFRAID

My September 11th

September 11, 2001 is a day surrounded with many strong emotions for me, just not in the same way it is for the rest of the country. On September 10, 2001 my grandfather fell and broke his hip, he was 81 years old. Until that moment I did not realize that anything like that could happen to my grandfather, he was healthy and strong. He still possessed a head full of jet-black hair. My grandfather was (and still is) the only man who loved me unconditionally a pure love, nurturing, supportive, quiet and super strong. He saved me from myself, when I needed it the most. He let me find my own way when I needed to learn for myself, his trust in me was enough to turn myself around, when no amount to bitching, prodding or complaining would have work. He backed away and said “I will always love you, you will always have a home with me and I trust that you will turn out fabulous”, and I couldn’t let him down.

September 11, 2001 my grandfather’s hip replacement surgery was a complete failure, and after the surgery he went into complete organ failure including heart failure. I spent the entire day yelling, screaming and crying at the health care providers. I had to track down the cardiologist who was glued in front of the television watching a plane hit the world trade center for the 500th time. I had to storm into the surgeons break room, screaming for the anesthesiologist. After they stabilized my grandfather, every time it was time to take his vitals or administer pain medication, I had to drag the nurse on duty away from the television to perform their functions. More often than not, they couldn’t drag themselves away from the television and I took his vitals and gave him his medication. If he would of died, my family would have had an amazing malpractice suit on their hands.

I have never been so angry and so frustrated at an entire staff in my life. The staff was so concerned with watching the horror that was occurring over 2500 miles away that they almost let my grandfather die. I did not watch the towers fall again, again and again. I did not listen to possible other terrorist plots, false reports of car bombs and I did not experience any of the uncertainty and panic the rest of America was going through. I have no strong emotions around the attacks of September 11, 2001. I feel minor sympathy for the friends and families of the people that lost their lives on that day, and that is about it.

My grandfather recovered. It was a long road, and I spent the next two months at his side. He lost his life 2 years later in a car accident; a 16-year-old girl broadsided his vehicle at 55 mph while reaching down to pick up her cell phone….

Making it out of the Ghetto

One of the things I have discovered about myself, as I grow older is that I have a hard time dating out of my social class. Even typing that statement makes me feel guilty, by no means what am I saying here is universal but it has been my experience. When I was younger I dated the “bad boy” and more often than not this meant a guy from the “wrong side of the tracks”. These men were exciting and introduced me to many new and thrilling experiences. In addition they tended to show me a raw sense of reality. I loved the music, clothes, slang and recklessness of these times.

Now that I am older and thinking of having a family of my own, those bad boys are no longer a good match for me. My background involved being raised in an upper middle class family with a strong emphasis on education. My parents are college graduates; my mother has a MS in engineering. My siblings are educated and college was never a choice in my family it was just assumed. My “bad boys” don’t have the same view on education as I have, and it is a deal breaker for me. They also don’t fit in at a corporate dinner. Their experiences, while having merit in their own, are not compatible with my white-collar world.

Their lack of reading and world knowledge is a serious embarrassment for me in front of my friends and colleagues. I do miss the excitement the bad boys brought into my life, but I am now looking for a man with compatible education, goals, vocabulary and knowledge, and I can’t seem to locate that in a man from the “wrong side of the tracks”. I am also looking for an ambitious man who does not do the minimum to get by and he doesn't think it is stellar because he is not in prison like the rest of his family. Granted coming from nothing and making it to a regular job, with a mortgage and car is a major accomplishment, but I want a man whose ambitions are equal or greater to my own. Making it out of the Ghetto is not enough for me.

I want a man with a compatible social graces as myself, is that being prejudice?

Swamped

It is unbelievable I missed a few days of work and I am so far behind! Though to be fair I am almost caught up, even with my major work event. Before I left on vacation last week my boss informs me that the corporate big wigs are coming into town. He also asked me if I had any ideas for him to showcase our department’s role in the corporate big picture. Of course I had ideas, and gave them to him.

Yesterday when I returned to work he asked if I could put together a presentation “just in case” for the big meeting today. Once again I said sure, now don’t be alarmed because this kind of thing happened daily in my last job, and I like the pressure. So I threw together a “just in case” pitch, late yesterday evening I get the word that I might be saying a few words right before lunch.

This morning at 7:30 am, I get the word that I am a go. I am not worried I have 4 hours to come up with a pitch, modify my presentation and prep. At 8:15 am I get a call from the VP’s Ad Min asking, “Where am I? And everyone is waiting for me. AND my presentation is scheduled for 9am.” I rush over there and give my presentation, cold! I was fabulous too!!!

Now the best things to come out of this are my boss could have taken my ideas and pitched them, taking if not the credit at least the spotlight. He didn’t, and that is one among many reasons I love this job. BUT the most important thing to come out of this is exposure, I have been invited to dinner with the CEO this evening and I am so there!!

Just Returned

I just returned from a weekend of friends, fun and lots and lots of wine. I will write when I recover.