More help needed

I bought a new LCD TV on black Friday. I was up at 5:30 am and visited 4 stores and bought bungee cord just to get my new TV. Well today I found out the store I bought the TV from has a 14 return policy if the television does not work. My new TV is still in the box. The room where I want to put it in isn’t complete. I have not bought a stand for it. I have not bought chairs to sit on when I watch the TV. I now have days to buy a new stand and test my TV. I will be out of town next week thus this all has to be done now. Of course I am once again faced with needing help now and I hate it. I didn’t want to ask anyone for help and I didn’t this time. The Kid volunteered; of course after I bitched all day at work today about needing help and have no one in my life to help me. But hey I will go with the pity vote right now, it is all I have.

I told the kid we would test the TV tomorrow after I purchased a stand tonight. He said you can just take it out of the box test it and put it back in the box. I can’t. I know other people can but I can’t. It is more chaos and I can’t take any more chaos in my life. I have never been good with chaos. I can’t have it in my house, in my sanctuary. I can’t have clutter in my house, I can’t have dirt in my house, I can’t have every surface covered with knick knacks. I know why and I accept it.

I am off to buy a TV stand; followed by ballet class. I really need it today.

Office Furniture

I took the entire Thanksgiving week off of work and one would think I would be totally rested and energized to come back to work. Well one would be wrong to think that. I am going through a major over haul in my life which includes redecorating most of my house. I still have so much to do at home and it is really depressing me that my house is in chaos. Oh and did I mention that I hate shopping which has been a real problem this last week. I spent the greater part of the week shopping, assembling and cleaning my place and still have so much to do.

I bought a new computer desk; when I opened the box I almost broke down and sobbed. The thing had 42 separate pieces, which did not include all the brackets, bolts, screws, nails and cabinet hardware. I have never had to assemble something on my own before and I really did not want to put together the desk. I called every “man” in my life and not a single one was willing to help me assemble the desk. Ten hours, one broken bolt, one smashed finger, one seriously scratched desk (it was really heavy and I dropped it) and all my finger nails broken I put the stupid thing together. I don’t feel empowered. I knew I could do it, I just felt bitter that I had to do it on my own. Assembling that desk without help was almost a deal breaker for me and the people in my life. In fact I am still angry about not having people in my life that I can count on to help me.

Seven Random Things

I got tagged by IzzyBella, so here goes. Enjoy the randomness.


1. I am addicted to Nicotine gum, seriously I chew at least 10 pieces a day.

2. I am right there with Izzy Bella. "I’m a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Angel, and any other little thing Joss Whedon decides to do. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I’m a Joss Whedon fan. Joss is boss. I love my Captain. But I didn’t make that little saying up. Someone else did."

3. I won't eat or drink anything past the purchased by date. I am afraid of getting food poisoning.

4. Again in almost agreement with Izzy; I’m a big dog-lover. I have two black labs, Willow and Meadow, and they bring the happiness into my life.

5. I don't like cats or little dogs. I think there is something wrong with a dog that is only 2 pounds. My dogs are ~100 pounds each; well the baby is not yet but she will be.

6. I am of the plant variety; I actually start to die if I don't get enough sun. I am a textbook case for seasonal depression.

7. I love to have my picture taken even though I take terrible pictures.

Now the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I am not going to tag anyone but go ahead and tag yourself.

Children

I was trying to figure out the other day when I decided not to have any children and the thing is that I have never made that decision. Oh I have told people that I didn’t want children from about the time I was 21 but I never really meant it. When I was saying I didn’t want children, what I exactly meant was not right now. I was raised in a society whose primary goal is to procreate; all my childhood friends had children by the time they were 21. Women in the society I was raised in inspired to be mothers and nothing else; I didn’t want to be like them so I started saying I don’t want kids. Though in the back of my mind it was always a matter of when; after college became after graduate school and then it was post-doc and failed marriage. The more my friends, family and ex pushed for kids the more I came back with never.

Thus I don’t want kids, is more I don’t want them in this situation at this time. Now it is too late. Oh I know you are all going to say that it isn’t really too late, but I can’t wrap my little head around finding the right guy who I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I believe that when you have a child with a guy then you stay with that guy until you send that child off to college. Note that doesn’t apply to abusive men but all others you are stuck with for years. I am not capable of trusting myself or a guy that much to commit for 20 years no matter what. I can honestly say I don’t want children now, but not because I don’t want children but because I don’t want the man that comes along for the ride too

Weekend ReCap

This weekend was so full of stuff I don’t even know where to begin; well I guess I will start at the beginning with the “date” with the very old man. It started out fine but as the evening progressed the very old man offered up his romantic services to me, if I should feel so inclined. I have to tell you, I can’t even wrap my mind around seeing a man 45 years my senior romantically. I told him such too. The problem is this very conversation was brought up a few years back and I thought my total refusal to even entertain the notion was crystal clear. He is not Hefner, and even if he was I am not a girl next door. All I can say is YUCK!! I think we can maintain our friendship but I really don’t want to send the wrong signals to him. I did tell him there was absolutely no chance that I would be anything more than friends with him. He is older than my grandmother.

The second major event was dancing with the ladies on Saturday night. We went to the “big” city and spent the night. It was mildly amusing and good for my self-esteem. I had the traditional group of spin doc fans hanging out around me all night. I had a few drinks bought for me, but unfortunately I was the only one in the group that received a lot of male attention. The funny thing is I was the one who really didn’t want it. I never want it when I am dancing and I really didn’t want it Saturday night. I also hate it when some random guy comes up behind me and starts grinding on me. In general I don’t even let the man in my life do that; there is no way I am going to let a stranger grind on me. All these men were standing around watching me dancing all night, and watched man after man strike out, and yet they still attempted to grind on me. Perhaps they thought my resistance to the male animal would dim with each rejection and they might be the one that I would let grind on me.

Finally, I have been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. I really need a weekend all to myself with no social obligations. I would even settle for a few week nights at this point. Oh yeah and I am still sick.

Hey Mama

When did calling a woman mama become a sexual compliment? Like foxy, sexy or even babe (another one I don’t get). I have to say when I am called Mama by some guy I don’t take it as a compliment. The number one reason is that I am not his mother and I don’t want to be. I find it disgusting that a man would look for a mother figure in a mate. That he might consider me as that mother figure totally turns me off. I don’t want to be anyone’s mother; hence I am childless by choice.

The second possibility is that he wants to breed with me, which is also not a great sell. “Hey Mama, I want to knock you up so I can be a dead beat dad.” Seriously where do men come up with this stuff? Now maybe if I was the mother of your children you could call me Mama as term of endearment but trust me some random guy at the club I am not the mother of your children. I absolutely hate being called Mama by some guy; I think it is demeaning and inappropriate. Perhaps men know this and they only want to annoy us with calling “Hey Mama” or they only want women who like the idea of taking care of them to respond.

Note to any guys who reads my blog or randomly comes across this blog, do not call women Mama when trying to be complimentary (unless they are your mother or the mother of your children) because I am sure I speak for the majority here, we DON’T like it.

Any nurses out there?

Being sick turns me into a weak, pathetic and dependent person. I feel very sorry for myself when I am sick and I just want to be taken care of. I want someone to bring me chicken soup and rub my feet. I want to crawl into bed and be pampered. When I am sick, I am weak physically and emotionally. I am needy and on the verge of tears, and I want someone’s arms around me; gently kissing my head and asking if I need anything.

I hate being sick. I hate not having someone to take care of me when I am sick. I am irritable, with a sore throat, stuffed up nose and achy body. Right now I would cherish the person who took care of while I am sick for the rest of my life. I am feeling very sorry for myself right now.