So cute I had to share

Fear

I am not fearless; in fact I am afraid of a great many things. The primary one is the fear of dying; yes I am afraid of dying. I am also afraid of fear itself. I am afraid to let fear control my life. I know a great many people who don’t do things because of fear and anxiety. My BBF Marge has let fear so control her life that it limits the places she goes and the activities she participates in. I am more afraid of becoming one of those people, the ones that don’t ski the chutes, cliffs or even black diamond runs because of fear. I am afraid of fear limiting the person I am or the person I may become. I am very afraid of fear making me and my life boring.


This latest reflection is brought on because next week I am going diving with sharks and I am very afraid. I am already feeling the anxiety of the experience 8 days in advance. My heart rate is accelerated, my tummy is upset but there is no way I am not getting in the water. I will do it and love the rush afterwards. I am afraid and I am going. I cannot let fear stop me from living life to its fullest.

OUT OF BOUNDS

I have been busy and not blogging a whole lot lately. I spent a fabulous weekend skiing in Colorado with DB at the beginning of April. It is nice to ski with a former ski team member, the perks are unbelievable; free skiing, free lodging and drop dead gorgeous male friends that have bodies you could stare at for hours. Well I actually did stare at them for hours. There are bad things about skiing with DB too, after a seriously grueling run, involving double black diamond terrain, steeper than f*ck vertical drop, moguls and trees the guy takes me OUT OF BOUNDS! I could just see the headlines; expert skiers die out of bounds. It just wasn’t out of bounds, it was OUT OF BOUNDS; there was death to the right, death to the left and narrow channel in between that fed into a cliff, no kidding a cliff, which dropped immediately into a forest where there was no place to drop your speed.

After that run and bitching DB out for 10 minutes I decided to ski on my own, which latest all of 10 minutes. Seriously ladies the mountain is a great place to meet men if you don’t want to meet them. Follow that weekend by a week out of town, a weekend at my sister’s wedding, another week out of town but I am back until memorial weekend and then it is another trip.

I am also playing soccer and softball this spring, and of course there is always ballet.

My new admirer

My sister’s wedding has come and gone and the most entertaining part (for me) was the high school senior that was totally in love with me. It was so sweet and made me feel good. This is a picture of us dancing together.

The whole thing provided me with hours of entertainment, which was a good thing considering there was no alcohol at this wedding.

My sister looked beautiful and super happy too.

Nothing Interesting

It is the time again where everyone irritates me. It is the time where I want to divorce myself from everyone and everything around me. It is also the time when running away sounds like the best course of action. One of these cycles is going to get me into trouble, actually it already has; I was feeling very dissatisfied with my life and drinking, never a good combination, and I applied for a job. When I was called for an interview, I thought it couldn’t hurt, gain experience and exposure, also send a signal to upper management that I wanted to move up the ladder.

Though I did not remember what the job was for, I had no idea who I would be working for and all the other important details that go into a job interview. I then went on travel for a month (hence the absence) and returned to my interview grossly unprepared. Guess what happen next, I heard yesterday that they are going to make an offer. To be fair I give an excellent interview, I have received an offer every time I have received an interview.
The desire to run away is overwhelming right now. I don’t want to deal with the complications in my life. I understand that they will be the same complications in another area but they will take years to develop, thus some reprieve. I also understand going to a new place is hard at first. It takes time to establish your friend/support network. I have finally started establishing one out here, after 2 years.