Out of town

Dear Readers,

I will be out of town for the next two weeks. Happy Holidays.

Spin Doc

Too my friends

This is to my wonderful friends (Courtney, Sara, Jeanne, the Bavarian, Jean-Marc (and SVM), and Martin) who helped make this my best birthday ever.

If I could teach you how to fly
Or bake an elderberry pie
Or turn the sidewalk into stars
Or play new songs on an old guitar
Or if I knew the way to heaven,
The names of night, the taste of seven
And owned them all, to keep or lend-
Would you come and be my friend?

You cannot teach me how to fly.
I love the berries but not the pie.
The sidewalks are for walking on,
And an old guitar has just one song.
The names of night cannot be known,
The way to heaven cannot be shown.
You cannot keep you cannot lend-
But still I want you for my friend.
-Dennis Lee

Christmas List

I now have 6 shopping days before Christmas and I have not bought a thing. I am not kidding here. I have nothing for my grandparents, parents, siblings, my favorite uncle or that special someone in my life. Can I boycott Christmas this year? Seriously? Some of my procrastination comes from the fact that I have been very busy recently but most of it stems from the fact that Christmas has become shallow and point less for me. I used to put a lot of time and effort into the presents I gave only to be met with dissatisfaction from the people on the receiving end. Though to be fair I am usually very dissatisfied with my Christmas presents too. This year I am giving almost everyone money and they will probably give me a gift certificate in return so why don’t we just call it even and not exchange gifts? I know it is very bah hum bug, but it would save me a ton of money and then I could just go and get the things on my list. So what is on my Christmas list? Well let’s see.

1. IPOD
2. A pink cashmere scarf
3. A winning lottery ticket
4. The job of my dreams (Okay Seriously)
5. Ralph Lauren turtlenecks, white and black
6. A long dress coat
7. A red leather jacket
8. Knee high black boots
9. Ralph Lauren socks
10. Perfume
11. Lift tickets to my favorite mountain
12. Hockey tickets, 5^th row behind the goalie (they are my favorite seats)
13. A trip anywhere warm and tropical
14. Victoria Secret pajamas
15. A new ski hat
16. A Spyder Telluride

With the exception of #3, 4, 12 and 13, I will purchase myself within the next few weeks. Perhaps with all the gift certificates that will be coming my way in 6 days. A Bam Hum Bug!

Pot Luck

Just when I was starting to think there were many redeeming qualities in my co-workers, they remembered my birthday and brought me gifts! The annual office lunch party happened. It is today and it is a mess! The day started with not one, not two but four different co-workers stopping by my office to see if it is time to go to the pot-luck lunch. I actually do work occasionally and had to delay my leaving for a few minutes. Finally I gave up and agreed to go over there, and there was no food! Given that this is a pot-luck lunch and I am not a chef; I brought soda. Well apparently no one is chef here, because there is only soda and desserts available. Not that I have an aversion to eating dessert for lunch, but I have already eaten a ton of chocolate today, curtsey of Hop-Hop. It is suppose to start at noon, but 30 minutes later it still has not started. Exasperated I returned to my office, I have no desire to hang out and chit chat with the freaks and geeks. However I should eat something besides chocolate today, maybe there is food now. How much do you want to bet that it is all gone?

I arrived only to hear one of my co-workers comment that the food is better on the second floor. I turned to him and said, "You should really stop and count to three before you say anything in the future."

Things I Wish I Had Heard

I just read a very moving post titled Things I Should Have Said but the post could have easily been titled Things I wish I had heard.

No, I'm seeing someone right now
I love you back
Please, please don't leave
I'm sorry for what I did

I'm not the same person when you're around
I'm scared by how much I love you
Because they think you're my "Anna Begins"
It was all worth it

I'm weaker than you think I am
You've given me hope for the person I could be
Let's just lay here for a while
I'm going to get my old job back

I built this for you
I thank God for every second you've been in my life
You deserve more than I can give you
I'm not going to let go

I don't want to go back to how it was before you
Just stand there for a second
Please just hang on a little longer
Marry me

Enough to make any woman melt!

Known to carry big things

I have a new favorite song! I go through stages with songs, I will find a song and play it and play it until I can’t stand it anymore, but my new favorite is Soldier by Destiny’s Child. When I fall in love with a song it is always about the lyrics; and these lyrics sing to me!

I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean

I think I know what you mean! Intrinsically all women know what Destiny’s child is talking about when they ask for a soldier, a man that is willing to stand up for you. However I think it is a very hard concept to verbalize; perhaps is it different for every woman. In the mean time I am going to listen to;

I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean

Until I am sick of it!

My give a damn is busted

Yesterday I received my twentieth affirmative active form; you know the form that proves to the powers that be that the company is at least attempting to target minorities. Being a minority in the field I have decided not to fill the forms out unless I actually get a job offer, the fact that they allowed me to apply does not change the fact that 96% of all senior positions in my field are occupied by men. I have sent out a total of 45 job applications, and to date I have received 2 rejection notices and I have one interview. According to everything I have read the good ole boys network is still going strong and I can expect a lot of “affirmative action” interviews but no real job offers. However given this bleak out look I can’t seem to find the motivation to care, I guess my give a damn is busted.

Favorite Art

I think the human body is beautiful, especially a woman’s body. I find a women’s body beautiful in many forms, from the curvy slightly overweight woman to the model thin woman. I also love art, and I am naturally drawn to paintings and sculptures of women. This is my favorite painting in my own art collection. I know there are better pieces in the world, but I actually own this one, and I love looking at it.

Female Friends

I am tired of working with mostly men and dealing with men too. I know I have said this before but I need more women in my life. Therefore I am going to take out a personal ad looking for female friends. Here is what I am looking for:

Musts

1. Female
2. Age 28-38
3. Education, BA or BS minimum
4. Career Goals
5. Single or in a long distance relationship
6. Friendly
7. Outgoing
8. Positive Attitude
9. Supportive
10. Good Listener
11. Likes to do things
12. Drinks
13. Likes animals
14. Has a job
15. Does not talk too much
16. Does not take anti-depressants

Bonuses

1. Does not smoke
2. Likes to dance
3. Likes techno music
4. Athletic
5. Likes to jog, ski and workout
6. Enjoys movies, shopping, TV and art galleries
7. Technical or scientific job

Absolutely NOT

1. Jealous Friend
2. Conservative
3. Very Religious
4. Judgmental
5. Gossip
6. Highly Critical

Addiction

Is falling in love a healthy state? Or is the initial staging of dating healthy? I am talking about emotionally healthy here. There are so many whys to explain it too, I’m pressed, or I’m Sprung or Madonna’s new one I’m hung up. As I sit here listening to popular music, I was struck by how many song are about being addicted to someone and it not being a good thing.

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me

She says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing
She's always sitting, waiting wondering if the phone will ring
She knows she bounces like a yo-yo when he pulls her string
It hurts to feel like such a fool
She wants to tell him not to call or come around again
He doesn't need her now at all the way that she needs him
She's on the edge about to fall from leaning out and in
And she don't know which way to move

This behavior sounds extremely unhealthy and self destructive but is a common theme in American music, and I think a common occurrence in the initial stages of a relationship. If you are to fall in love and live happily ever after is the addiction stage of a relationship a requirement or is it a sign that the relationship is doomed to fail?