Catch 22

I want your shame
I want your pain
I want your sweat
I want your tears
I want your blood
I want your goals
I want your dreams
I want your identity
I want your heart
I want your soul
I want your every minute
I want your every thought
I want your love
I want all of you

And when I have it all
I don’t want you

Is it over yet?

Today's song is a sappy country love song that gets played over and over by depressed women

Is it over yet?
By: Wynonna Judd

Tell me when I can open my eyes
I don’t want to watch you walk out that door
There’s no easy way to get through goodbye
I’d probably try and talk you into staying once more

Or I’d lie and say it’s all for the best
Wish you luck and say I have no regrets
But I’m not up to being strong
So I’ll wait until you're gone
Is it over yet, is it over yet?

A taxi’s waiting in the driveway for you
You call my name, I guess your ready to leave
I’d like to help you with a suitcase or two
But I’m afraid I’m gonna wind up down on my knees
I should tell you that I want you to go
I really need to spend some time on my own
Smile and say goodbye
So you don’t see me dying inside
Is it over yet, is it over yet?

I should lie and say it’s all for the best
Wish you luck and say I have no regrets
But I’m not up to being strong
So I’ll wait until your gone
Is it over yet, is it over yet?

Does money buy happiness?

The DC auto show was in town last week. I have often wondered who goes to these shows. Obviously people looking to buy a new car, but they aren’t sure of what is available attend auto shows. They get to look at all the different cars without having to drive all over town. But I think a majority of people go to look at the exotics cars. Perhaps curiosity drives them, how many of us see a Lamborghini driving on the beltway? But how many attendees are there to lust and dream about having that Aston Martin or the Lamborghini? And what do they think it will bring them to have this car? Will it bring them happiness or definition? Jesse claims the car one drives is an extension of their personality. However, how do we define ourselves as humans? I partially define myself through my work. I also define myself through who I want to become, through my goals and dreams. Would possessing a quarter of a million dollar car bring me definition? I know it would not. However would the car bring me happiness? I know that I love my car, and driving it does bring me temporary happiness. I love driving it very fast on the beltway; I love the compliments I receive from perfect strangers about my car. So if I drove a car that is 6 times more money would I be 6 times happier in that car?

“According to researchers (footnote, E.g., Martin Seligman, Daniel Kahneman, Ed Deiner), money buys happiness only to a very limited extent. Not having money- that is, a family income of less than 30,000- is related to less happiness, but once your basic needs are being met, the increase in happiness from say, $31,000 to $131,000 is really not that great! Hard to believe, isn't it? Think of all the time and energy we spend trying to attain more money- and it really doesn't make that big of a difference! The United States is a very rich country, but the overall level of happiness there is lower than in many poorer countries. So, the question is, if money can't buy happiness, what can? Things that are hard to buy.” by Dr. Gayla Swihart DeHart

And what do you think; does money buy happiness (or at least the right kind of misery)? And do possessions give our lives definition?

You remind me

You say I remind you of girl you once knew

You remind me of how to fall in love

You remind me of butterflies in the stomach

You remind me of being beautiful

You remind of heart skipping moments

You remind of being free

You remind me that life can be carefree

You remind me of pain and uncertainty

You remind me of responsibilities

You remind me of goals and dreams

You remind me of why I don’t want to be free

You remind me that there is more to life than this

You remind me that I hate falling in love

I say you remind me of place I never want to be

My Favorite Song

Today’s lyrics are from one of the best songs from one of the best albums of all time (sorry Ellen).

Anna Begins

By Counting Crows

My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
I am not worried
I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
Make an exception."
I am not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried
I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions
"Oh," she says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing

It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey
Or something in between
And I can always change my name
If that's what you mean

My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love," she said, "then we're going to have to
think about the consequences."
She can't stop shaking
I can't stop touching her and...

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering
for days," she says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

But I'm not going to break
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not going to bend and I'm not going to break
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore
No no no no no,
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should
Snap her up in a butterfly net
Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...

The time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and Anna begins to change my mind
And everytime she sneezes I believe it's love and
Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

She's talking in her sleep
It's keeping me awake and Anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

Her kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away
She disappears and
Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

Too much girl

I started playing floor hockey two weeks ago and I love it! The first game I played right wing, not really sure where this position was I needed a lot of help from the other players. Fortunately our opponents were very helpful with this too, and I took full advantage of their help. In fact I talked so much smack during that game that one of the players threatened to report me to the ref. Now you really can’t get in trouble for saying, “I like your big stick.” right???? The player I was talking smack to missed his next shot, and we won that game. Sunday I played my second game, and I played left wing. I still do not know what I am doing but it is one heck of workout. During Sunday’s game I ended up in the corner with another player fighting over the ball and she elbowed me in the face! I knew she did it on purpose, and I was stunned. Not only did I hurt, and it still hurts, no one has ever hit me in my face. I am a girl! I have never been in a fight. She did it to say back off, and I did. It intimidated me, and even though I did not get in that situation the rest of the game, I can’t help but wonder if I did; would I have backed down? Now I know you need to be aggressive to play hockey. If it was a man I was battling for control of the ball I would not hesitate to be aggressive, but fighting with a woman and being elbowed in the face by her really threw me. Maybe I don’t have it in me to play hockey. Our maybe I should not be such a girl?

Pick up lines

I forgot to mention the pick up lines I received on Saturday, along with the attempts to mess my groove up. This is by no means a complete list, but representative of the quality pick up lines out there.

1. I like to treat my women good, give them money and I have a good job; I work at Costco, would you like to see my ID?

I had to reply that I was a scientist. Hey, at least I did not say; “Would you like to see my publication list?”

2. I am from Jamaica, and my dick is very long.

Now I should of said “Show me”, but I just started laughing and I waltzed away.

3. I can go 3 to 4 hours and never cum.

This is another one of those moments where I should have said something clever, but I just replied, “Well I can’t” and waltzed away again.

Now the pick up lines that I have heard over the years that I liked

1. You are like a chocolate chip cookie; no matter where I bite I know it is going to be sweet.
2. He said, “I am lost.” I asked, “Where do you want to go?” He replied, “Your place.” It so was corny that it made an impression and I had to laugh.
3. You are very beautiful. (It is simple, sweet and sounds sincere).

What are the best and worst pick up lines you have ever heard or given?

Love and Dancing

Saturday Courtney and I went to Love and had the time of my life. There is nothing better than spending the whole night dancing. I hit the floor at 11 pm and it was after 2 am before Courtney dragged me off the dance floor. I love dancing at a club, I love the variety and mix of music, I love seeing all the different dancers, I love the loud music, and the smoke filled room and the press of humanity around me. However there is something very annoying about dancing at a club, it is the men that won’t let you do your thing. I love to dance. It is the second thing on my list of things I love. Sleep is number one on the list. The key to me is that I love to dance alone, or with a girlfriend. I don’t really enjoy dancing with men, they mess up my groove. I am unpredictable on the dance floor; hip rolls, booty bumps and plain old school step touch all in the course of one song and a partner throws off my groove. I don’t try to solicit attention at a club either; I don’t really like to dress like the typical DC club girl. Saturday, I wore a loose red sweater and loose fitting pants. Needless to say I was unique at the club; I was the only woman there that was fully clothed. I was SO in my groove on Saturday, and did not want to be disturbed. I was doing the Heisman to every man that approached me, and there were a lot of them. So many, in fact by the end of night there was a group of men standing off to the side watching men approach me and then heckling them as they were shut down. Now I am not saying this to pat myself on the back, I am saying this to ask how stupid are men, really? I danced in the same area for 3 hours non-stop by myself; do men really think I am out there waiting for them? I was obviously there to dance. A quick note for men; if a woman is doing her thing and you want to meet her, dance next to her, and for Christ’s sake DO NOT touch her. Let her dance up to you, don’t try to bump and grind on her, wait for her to start the grind. Needless to say I will be going back, because despite that minor annoyance I had a great time.

Little big

A little drugs

a little alcohol

a little suffering

a little counseling

a little hell for a little girl.

A big career

a big car

a big mortgage

a big shopping list

a big life for a big girl

Questions a women should never ask a man

Occasionally women say stupid things in a relationship without even knowing it so I decided to compile a list of questions that a woman should never ask a man in the hopes that we women can learn and not make these classic mistakes. Questions that a woman should never ask a man

1. Do these ________ (fill in the blank) make me look fat?
1. If you have to ask, you won’t like the honest answer.
   

2. Do you love me?
1. If you don’t know, he is not the man for you.
   

3. Am I your dream girl?
1. If he has not already told you so, the honest answer is no.
   

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
1. Please this one is obvious
5. Am I the best?
   
6. Where do you see this relationship going?
7. Where were you last night?
8. Do you know where you are going?
9. Are we lost?

There are definitely more but being a woman myself I can’t see the forest for the trees, or something like that… Men please feel free to help us women out; in the long run you are helping yourself out too! Note this list can be applied to same sex relationships too!!!

What would you trade your first coconut for?

What is the oldest profession? Now I know most of you are ready to say prostitution, and it is definitely google’s choice, but according to an astrophysicist I know it is astronomy. But what would you really trade your first coconut for, information on the stars or you know… What prompted this post you might be wondering? Well in the spirit of embracing all things DC I decided to visit an all nude strip club this weekend. I personally have a great time at strip clubs; they are entertaining on two fronts. One is I am only about 75% heterosexual and 25% homosexual so I enjoy looking at the beautiful naked women. Also the dancers are very friendly with me. I think it increases their nightly tips. The second reason is that I am female surrounded by a bunch of hot and bothered men that are planning on spending a lot of money. Being 75% hetero, this is very entertaining and a huge ego boost. However as some what of a feminist I have mixed feelings about being a patron to such establishments. It is obvious that strip clubs are objectifying a woman’s body. A woman is more than the sum of her body parts and should not be treated as such. In spite of this a women’s body is her property to do with what she likes, including selling it for money. Of course this is if it is truly her choice to sell, and I think this is where the puritanical views of society play a major role. If sex were an open and accepted thing and not a thing of evil, I don’t think that it would be forced into the underworld of illegal activities. Also the acceptance of strip clubs and prostitutes would help reduces the rampant victimization of prostitutes. In order for strip clubs to guarantee women dancers are there totally of their own choice a major social revolution needs to occur in this country. So as a feminist do I go to strip clubs, or do I wait until a major social revolution before returning?

Time Line

When was our first date? Kiss? Hummm? Do firsts give meaning to a relationship? And what is the meaning of the time line? Is there some race that we all are running that in order to stay on track we need to hit certain milestones by certain dates? For example, you can’t be too emotionally involved if the relationship is not old enough, no I love you before the first month, second month…. If we are going live happily ever after is there a certain time line things need to be done in, or is the time line a bunch of crap? I am voting for crap, but then why do most women keep track of these things like there is a meaning behind it? Perhaps it is because it was a momentous occasion in our lives and it is forever branded in our memories. Perhaps.

To the man who loved me unconditionally

Can I walk a mile in your shoes?

Can I match you stride for stride?

Your long legs and beautiful height

My little black shoes over tights

And you would never refuse

But now all I can do is cry.

And the memory of us brings a smile to my lips and a tear to my eye.
And my heart weeps

Adonis

The Bavarian returned from his holiday in Greece today and brought me an Adonis statue. Now this statue is obviously art, and not pornography and not obscene. In light the spirit of working with the freaks and the geeks I displayed the statue on my desk. Initially I really did not think that it would receive a lot of attention, and boy was I ever wrong. However I think if there was an equation tattooed on his ass even more of my co-workers might notice that I have a statue of a naked man on my desk. Can I get fired for this? One can only hope.

Holiday Adventures

Skiing, yes sport’s fans I crashed. And not just any crash, a spectacular crash that resulted in injuries. I was skiing side by side with my favorite skiing partner and she missed her turn and cut in front of me. In all the years that we have been skiing together this has never happened. However this was the worst snow day that either one of us had ever experienced. The conditions were a total white out resulting from high winds and extremely sticky snow resulting from blinding rains. So it is totally forgivable that she missed her turn and almost ran in to me. In order to miss her, I turned into snow that completely stopped my forward motion, I tried to hop out of it (and almost did) and caught the edge of my ski. Now we all know what happens then, my lower body was completely stopped and my upper body kept going right until it impacted the snow head first. I blacked out for a few seconds, got up and skied it off; until the next day when my head fell back and the front neck muscles were unable to bring it back up. I quickly went to a medical doctor to learn I had a minor concussion along with whip lash. At least this happened on the last day of skiing and not the first.

New Year’s Eve

I like to drink, not to get drunk but to drink a few glasses of wine (or beer) until I feel a little tipsy and then stop. However being in the land of the crazies, I had not anything to drink my entire holiday vacation and was looking forward to New Year’s Eve. The plan was to start at the house with a few old friends and then work our way over to the local club. The door bell rings at 6 pm on Saturday night, I kid you not 6 pm. By 7 pm everyone that was going out that night was already at the house drinking. Now as I mentioned before I like to drink but not get drunk so I was not going to start drinking at 6 pm on a night that was going to last until well after midnight. I planned on doing all my drinking at the club, which is totally affordable in small town USA. At 10 pm we all pile into my brother-in-law’s 4 runner and head to the club. Of course we get pulled over, and I being the only sober person in the car was not driving, go figure. The brother-in-law gets arrested, luckily not for a DUI but for a warrant. I am now the DD and of course the officer is a friend from high school that cuts us a break, including ignoring the fact that there are open containers in the truck and drugs. I take the VIs (village idiots) to the club and proceed to the jail to bail out the in-law. By the time I arrive with the jail bird at the club it is almost midnight and everyone is totally drunk and I remain the DD for the evening. Great fun! Also the club was a trip, it was my first visit to a club that played only rap music, and I live in DC.

Express Lane

Oh my God I am in the express lane to hell. I was having a typical annoying day at work, with 30 minutes of work to do and 10 hours of sitting here, when Cartman (my office mate) called me over to look at his computer screen. While there the phone rang and he asks “Is that your phone?” Of course I check and it is not my phone it is Hop-Hop’s phone that is in the office next door with the door closed. Now this is puzzling for many reasons, the first of which is I have turned down the ringer volume on Hop-Hop’s phone numerous times. I immediately barged into his office and he holds up his hand as if to say wait a minute. I return to working with Cartman, a few minutes later Hop-Hop comes in and without missing a beat I say “Your phone it too loud.” Milliseconds later Cartman and I hear Hop-Hop adjusting the volume control on his phone. Cartman and I start laughing hysterically and he turns to me and says, “You are in the express lane”.

Is this rose mine?

The Little Prince lived on a tiny planet all his own. He had only one rose bush. He loved it. It was so beautiful, it gave him so much pleasure. He remembers tenderly planting the little bush in his richest soil, building a fence to protect it and a trellis to hold it, trimming it and watering it every day. With pride he watched his rose bush grow into a healthy, mature rose bush which faithfully produced beautiful blossoms year after year. Then he went to another planet, Earth, and saw thousands of roses, much bigger and more beautiful than his one little bush. At first, he felt foolish for having liked his rose bush so much. After all, there was nothing special about his bush. Then he realized he didn't love his rose bush for its bigness or its outstanding beauty, he loved it because he had personally cared for his bush and because so much of his time and pleasure had been with only one rose bush, "his" roses. Like the Little Prince, we hurt when we lose "our" love. The hurting doesn't necessarily mean we lack confidence or that we believe we possess the other person; it means we are human, we long for things we have lost.