The problem with us

I said, "You are always yelling at me."

He said, "I am not yelling at you. That was the problem with us; you always thought I was yelling at you and I wasn't."

I thought, "The problem with us is you are happy and I am completely miserable"

Merry Christmas

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas

Chasing Dream

I pulled out my china and started getting ready for a Christmas Eve wine and pasta dinner I am hosting. While unpacking and washing my china I can’t help but think on how different a person I am than I thought I wanted. I put my China on layaway when I was 16 years old. It took my 5 years to pay off my China and it is beautiful.

I had the dream of growing up and hosting fancy dinner parties on my beautiful China. I dreamed that I would be the perfect house wife, hosting the best dinners and parties for all my husband’s associates and clients. I even thought I would be the perfect mother. I would spend my days working out, getting manicures, pedicures, attending classes, cooking even painting. I would take my children to practices and never miss a game.

That was my dream at 16 and I had the start of making that dream come true, the china, the successful husband but I don’t like to cook. I don’t have the patience for painting and my hands spent too much time in chemicals for manicures. I do like pedicures but they don’t take up an entire day.

I don’t know what my dream is now, but they ones I chased when I was 16 are no longer for me. I don’t know that they ever were. I still have a complete set of beautiful china, with matching leaded crystal wine glasses (red and white) and real silverware.

New Car

I bought this little thing for myself yesterday. I call it my Birthday and Christmas present. I also bought it to be my snow/ski vehicle, my dog transport vehicle and my hockey vehicle.

Reason number one on why I like living here

Past 24 hrs:
7"
Past 48 hrs:
17"
Storm Total:
31"

Wardrobe Malfunction

There have been many embarrassing blog entries about wardrobe malfunctions at work over the years. I think I remember Izzy Bella claiming to have a sock (or something of that nature) work its way out of her pants at work. Apparently she took them off inside her pants the night before and wore the same pants the next day, of course wearing new socks and not checking for old socks. I am truly sorry Izzy if it wasn’t you that this happened to, but you guys get the idea. Well I am here to add to the list of embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions at work.

I wear thongs, I like them. Today is no exception; I wore a string thong straight for Victoria Secret today (relatively new too). I also attended a luncheon at work with my entire cost center. When I went to leave I noticed that my stuff felt liberated but I did not think much of it. Later in the day a brief restroom visit led to the shock of my week. My thong broke! Have you ever heard of such a thing? It broke right in two and with nothing to keep it in place it was now outside of my clothing all bunch up. I have no idea how long it was like that and who was witnessed to my bunched up broken panties outside of my clothes. I do know that the said thong was broken by the time I finished lunch. Oh well at least it is Friday.

Indian Food

Tonight is my night to stay home, no hockey practice, no ballet class and no social functions. Of course tonight is also the night that I was asked to dinner and I kind of want to go. It is an Indian restaurant and I love Indian food. The invite came from the Brown Boy (not his real name) and he is funny and charming. I really enjoy his company, now don’t go getting excited here, we are just friends. He does not meet my number one requirement of having compatible religious beliefs. It is also quite a drive to this restaurant and it is my night to stay home and read. I think I just talked myself out of it; I am going to stay home and play with Meadow and heat something up in the microwave and read.

Candy Canes

After much begging, pleading and out right asking I have a desk full of candy canes!!! I love candy canes; they are probably the best candy ever made. I really like the big ones, I love how sticky they get (get your minds out of the gutter). It is all traditional candy canes for me, no flavored ones or colored ones. I like the classics.

One more rambling:
How is it possible for a half grown dog to push me out of bed designed for two full grown dogs and two adults??

Christmas Ornaments

Our first Christmas together, do you remember? I bought a cheesy ornament with the date on it; not paying attention to the colors or style. We could not afford the tree of my dreams. Each year I would add a few ornaments and a few more pieces of garland; each piece carefully selected to flow with the entire ensemble. It took years but I was finally able to decorate the tree, as long as we put it in a corner (We did not have enough ornaments or money to decorate the whole thing). I recall the first year we could decorate the whole thing; it took almost ten years and a lot of time, money and effort but I finally had the tree of my dreams. It was exquisite too, but our cheesy first Christmas ornament no longer fit. It was blue and as you know my tree is burgundy and gold. I still put it on the tree for sentimental value, but lower and in the back where it would not catch the eye.




I put it up again this year, in the back where it would not catch the eye, but whose eyes am I hiding it from now? It is just me now and I know it is there but I can't not put it up, for sentimental reasons....

Bad Day

My yesterday was traumatizing. My “good girl” Willow had surgery; she had an abscessed tooth. It started last week when her face swelled up to the size of a softball. I knew she had to be in a lot of pain with that much swelling but not one single cry escaped her lips. I took her to the local vet and long and short of it was he did not feel comfortable taking the tooth out. I actually really appreciated his honesty and called my sister Brittany to take out the tooth.

Brittany called about 90 minutes after I dropped Willow off to say everything went well. I had just arrived home as Brittany’s clinic is far, which is why I don’t regularly take my dogs to her, when a few minutes later my phone rang and I ignored it (which I often do) but when I listened to the message it was Brittany saying I had to get down there right now. I went into instant panic mode, my heart dropped and I grabbed my stuff and sprinted out the door as tears were falling down my face. When I finally talked to Brittany, everything was okay but Willow did not like being in a kennel and needed comfort. It took me the next 2 hours to calm down from that message. In fact I don’t know if I am truly over it, I don’t think I could take losing her at this stage in my life. I love her more than anything else.

Willow was in a lot of pain yesterday and kept crying. It broke my heart to hear her cry especially when she never cries. Today she is resting more comfortably. I hate subjecting my dogs to painful and scary situations that they don’t understand.

I miss DC

I was in DC earlier this week and I miss the area so much. I miss the people. DC is a city of professionals, all ages, all professions, all sexes and all races. In the middle of nowhere I am surrounded by people who are all the same; they fall into two groups married with children and young. Not just young in age but young in maturity and lifestyle. So I split my time between hanging out with the Kids incorporated and my married with children friends.

I don’t have a single (single) professional friend in my age group. I have fun with the Kids incorporated but I just don’t have that much in common with them. I have fun with MWC friends too but their lives and lifestyles are dominated by their families (as it should be). I was in DC and talked with so many people who are just like me, professionals, single but have lived a bit of life and learned from life’s experiences. It might be time for me to return to a bigger city. I do love my job and at times I like how simple my life is out here but it is also incredibly lonely. What I really need is a good girlfriend that actually has time for me in their life and is physically close.

What your favorite color says about you

White: Symbolic of purity, innocence and naivete, white has strong connotations of youth and purity. If you are an older person, your preference for white could indicate a desire for perfection and impossible ideals, maybe an attempt to recapture lost youth and freshness. It may also symbolize a desire for simplicity or the simple life.

This is actually a little scary on how accurate it is; I am a perfectionist and I strongly mourn my youth and my life has to be simple as I said before I can't take chaos.

My First Hockey Game

Yesterday I played in my first ice hockey game. I have been really reluctant to play because I am still struggling to skate and I have not even started figuring out how to handle the puck. I am trying, seriously I am trying. I don’t know if I am giving it everything I have but I am giving it everything I am willing to. I practice twice a week and go to an open skate once a week. I am getting better but the progress is slow. I get very angry and frustrated with myself that my body does not do want my mind wants it to. I also feel guilt and frustration for letting down my coach and team members; there are so many things to think about and I have no hockey memory. I know it will come but I am really hard on myself and I don’t know how to stop. I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself but it is part of who I am.

I had 3 friends come to my game last night and 2 of the 3 friends were fun and encouraging. The 3rd friend (the Kid) spent the entire time after the game criticizing me. Now I know I suck, I know that I am not doing what the coach wants me too; I know I am not playing the game how it is meant to be played. I did not need to hear how I am completely failing on the ice right after my first game ever; two months after I stepped on the ice for the first time. It really hurt to be criticized like that and I even asked him to stop which he didn’t. I don’t know if I am going to be able to play another game any time soon.