Janeane needs a new name

Everyone from my personal life has a code name on my blog, this started from the anonymity I needed when I first started this blog. Mainly because I was writing about my evil job and coworkers, now I love my job and my co-workers but the anonymity thing is still around. Which brings me to this weekend’s visitor, Janeane, named for Janeane Garofalo, whom I find to be a smart, cynical, successful businesswomen with a razor wit, and very attractive. I recognize that Janeane is not attractive in the traditional Hollywood sense, but attractive nonetheless. However when Janeane found out whom she had been named for she freaked out. She called Janeane a troll, and lamented that I thought she was the short, fat, ugly sidekick to my Uma Thurman. This is not the case! However I am sensitive to the feelings of my friends and so I would like to rename Janeane to a person more to her liking, but I am at loss to do so. She is a Janeane Garofalo to me.

My Janeane is a very successful businesswoman, independent, extremely nice and supportive. She a jet setter too, spending more time abroad than in the states, at any given moment she could just as easily be in Amsterdam, Rome or DC. She is about 5 feet tall, with black hair and brown eyes. She has the best smile I have ever seen on a woman, when she smiles her big brown eyes get even bigger and the pupils slightly tilt upwards, adding a sparkle to them from my 5’9” perspective. She extremely well read and knows her fine wines too. Though she doesn’t know how to change a flat tire, that is actually how we met, I helped her with her flat tire. So any suggestions on a name change for Janeane?

Goodbye great Bloggers, I wish you luck and love.

I started reading blogs in April 2005, one blog in particular, Dating Hell Dairies (DHD) out of DC. DHD was a fabulous writer and it seemed that she left little out of her blog. I could almost see the woman behind the blog and she inspired me. The documenting of her pain and successes moved me to blog about my frustrations in my job. I started a blog soon after and wrote about the horrible people I worked with and my awful job. Shortly after I started blogging DHD disappeared from the blog seen.

Right about the time DHD left the blogging world, I stumbled across the Anonymous Assclown’s (AC) blog. AC’s blog was definitely entertaining, though too much bathroom humor for my tastes. It was also well written and so open with the pain of being human, whether experienced by the author or not; it was beautifully delivered and it stimulated me. It was thought provoking, belligerent and all together a daily must read. Now AC has disappeared from the blog seen.

Through AC’s blog I became familiar with a group of special bloggers; Theresa whose quick wit with the keyboard has no equal, but Theresa is no longer regularly blogging. I met Unacknowledged Genius there, who through her comments and writing is one of the sweetest bloggers alive. Genius is now on hiatus too. I also discovered Naïve No More; whose comical writings always brought a smile to my face and her narratives on the daily occurrences of life a must read for the entire blogging world. Naïve is also absent more often than not from the blog world.

Finally I also found Imelda, whose blog was at times was a little X-rated and made me blush, but it also provided me with information I was always curious about but afraid to ask. Imelda also was strong, confident, successful, damaged, a little broken, insecure and a whole lot like myself. In addition she was an artist in her writings, regardless of the subject. She is gone now too. I miss every last one of these bloggers, but I am feeling the pain of Imelda’s absence the most. I wish all of you luck in your lives and sincerely hope the reason you no longer blog is you are too happy and content to share your life’s pains and joys.

There is no point in linking to these previous greats, they are no longer out there.

My First Race

I have finally located a running partner that has not flaked out on me (yet) and is okay with my pace. My pace is slow, but it is distance that is the true marker of how many calories I burn. There is a down side to my new running partner; she likes to run in public runs/races. Thus tomorrow I am running in my first public race ever. It has always been on my list of things I want to do before I die so I am not going under extreme protest, but I am going under protest. I am protesting it because it is a 6 am (yup folks that is in the morning) and I am not that fast of a runner. I am more like a fast walker that looks like an attempt at a run from a distance. Upon closer inspection though you will see that I am not much faster than a brisk walk. Granted my running partner maintains the same snail pace as myself.

I truly hope I don’t embarrass myself tomorrow, by finishing last, well sport’s fans wish me luck.

Eyelash Review

Finally I have more work and have not had time to blog. I hope my boss finally understands that I don’t like to have a moment’s free time at work.

Okay my summary on eyelashes extensions, I don’t have contacts so anything coming near my eye really freaks me out. I am also really sensitive around my eye area, having said that the process is pretty benign. The odor from the glue irritated my eyes until it dried but that was only for a minute or two.

When I first viewed my eyelashes I was not convinced it was a good idea. I seriously thought I looked like Tammy Faye. I was afraid that I was going to be the laughing stock of all my co-workers. They do look good, but in my mind’s eye too long to look natural. The lady who applied them convinced me not to cut them back for three days.

The first thing I noticed while driving home is how much my eyes stood out in the rearview mirror, but I was still unconvinced that the extensions were a good idea. This morning while getting ready I knocked a full 10 minutes off my getting ready time. I did not have to apply mascara or eyeliner, which is a serious bonus because I am always running late in the morning.

Work was the real test; no one noticed my new eyelashes. Even the kid did not notice and I am pretty sure he is hopelessly in love with me. I guess they only look Tammy Faye to me. I am going to see some of my female friends this weekend before I really decide if they need to be cut back. I know my women will tell me what they really think. I am convinced they are a must for people with minimal eyelashes, however I naturally have thick curly eyelashes. I just wanted them thicker and longer and they are that now.

Permanent Eyelashes

Normally thoroughly I research everything in my life. If I am going to buy a new anything, I spend time on Google; I talk with friends the whole bit. Going to a movie, yup research, trying a new restaurant, once again research. When I receive an email showing a person being eaten by a snake, or some such thing once again the ole researcher in me comes out. When it comes to anything remotely medical I am all over the research. I choose my medical doctors based on whether or not they listen to my recommendations, based off of my research. Today, however, I leaped without looking, without my precious research.

I found out about permanent eyelashes and made an appointment without thinking twice, without Googling it, without talking to anyone. My appointment is today, and now when I am trying to research it I can’t find anything! Does anyone know about the downside to permanent eyelashes? The only hits I have found rave about them, I have not been able to locate anything negative about them. I hope this is because there isn’t a downside or risks involved. I hate not making an informed decision.

Under the Bed

There was a time when I used to hide under my bed. No one knew I was there. They would look and look for me, but they never found me under the bed. It was my secret hiding place. I would sleep there, safe and undetected. Eventually I moved to the top of the bed, sleeping there for the entire world to discover. Now as I lay in bed night after night, I have the strong desire to hide under the bed, as I did many years ago.

My nightmare

The summer before my junior year in high school was an eventful one to say the least. My parents divorced, my first serious boyfriend, whom I loved madly, dumped me, a benign tumor was found in my sinuses and my mother, in her infinite wisdom, kicked me out of the house. I was 16 years old. When the time to register for my junior year arrived there was a small matter of a registration fee. I don’t recall the amount of the fee, but it was peanuts to my mother and with in my financial limits, I requested the money from my mother and she refused to pay. I also refused to pay the registration fee. I missed the first 42 days of my junior year, it took 42 days for the school’s administration and my mother to find out that I was not in school, I didn’t move and yes I was still alive.

The fall out of missing the first 42 days of school was win-win for me. I was allowed live with my grandparents, instead of on the streets or with my mother. Also a very compassionate high school counselor was convinced that I “dropped out” of school because it wasn’t challenging me and that I needed to go to college to be appropriately challenge. It was decided that I would go to college instead, and receive dual credit. All my college credits would count for my high school graduation too. There was one catch; I had to go back to high school for one class a day. However I never set foot in a high school classroom after that.

The time arrived for me to graduate from high school, and I was so nervous! I was convinced that they would not let me graduate from high school because I did not return for my one class a day in the last year and half. I did attend college and I did very well. I spent the entire rehearsal and evening of graduation, hiding from the administrators and teachers, least the sight of me remind them that I did not hold up to my end of the bargain.

For years after wards I had a reoccurring nightmare, where I would be getting ready to graduate with BS, MS or PhD and someone would say, “Wait a minute, you didn’t graduate from high school we can’t let you graduate from college.” And I would have to go back and complete high school. The dreamed changed as my education changes. Even while working on my PhD I would have to dream, where I was I forced to go back and complete high school in order to receive my PhD. Now like all reoccurring nightmares this seems ridiculous in the light of day until today. I just learned from one of my co-workers that this very thing happened to his son. His son left high school early went to college, because high school was not challenging him. But the high school would not give him credit for his college classes. The son just received a full scholarship to Princeton, which was almost revoked because he did not graduate from high school, even though he is a 4.0 student in engineering at the local University!!

The son had to complete summer school at an alternative school last week, and this week shipped out to New Jersey! Can they still make me go back to high school all these years and advanced degrees later??

The ravages of time

For the Scheherazade Project:


She slowly trends up the stairs struggling with each step. Her hips give her pain, along with a few other joints. She can’t get into the bathtub without assistance. She can’t get on the bed without help, and at times needs helping getting off. She has even been known to struggle getting in and out of the car.

Outwardly things have changed; She is going a little gray. The doctor tells us her teeth are wearing out. She spends most of the day asleep. She is sluggish to respond to my calls of entreaty. She cries out in pain when the playing is too forceful. Time has ravished her and all too quickly.

The time is approaching when time will leave it scar on my heart and soul. More troubling than the fine lines around my eyes that have appeared recently. More devastating than the morning when I realized the shining hair on my head was gray and not blonde. More heart wrenching than they day that I realized I was never going to be as beautiful, fit or flexible as I was once upon a time. The time is going to come when her time with me is gone, when her life is over and my life will still be going on. I see the ravages of time everyday on my little girl, and time is crueler master to her than it is to me. You see my little girl only has a life expectancy 1/8 of mine, and see is quickly approaching the end of it. Too quickly, and I see the progression everyday, and time is breaking my heart, and time won’t heal this heartbreak.

When I rule the world

When I lead the world I am going to make the following changes:

1. I am going to change the starting time for work to 9 am worldwide, unless it is not possible
2. Police Officers are not allowed on the Interstate/Beltway or major commuting highways during commuting hours unless there is an accident. They are not helping things, if fact they are a hazard during these times.
3. People who drive below more than 5 mph below the post maximum speed limit on the Interstate/Beltway or major commuting highways will not be allowed on these roads.
4. Unless giving a speech, no one will be allowed to talk to someone else for more than 3 minutes without the other person talking.
5. Screaming children will not be allowed in restaurants, where the meal is more than $20 per plate.
6. Animal cruelty will be a felony, punishable by many years in prison
7. All amusement parks will not have more than a 30 minute wait per ride
8. American Idol will not be allowed to drag out the results show for so long!!
9. Grills will be considered stupid and uncool
10. Super Skinny will not be considered beautiful
11. Actors and Actresses will have pay caps
12. Athletes pay caps will be lower
13. People who use the phrase “You know” unless they mean to say “Do you understand?” will be fined
14. People standing behind you uninvited in your cubicle will be subjected Harassment charges.
15. Oh another thing that is going to go when I rule the world, slang. Especially when used by adults, it is better left for the kiddies who are still trying to define themselves.


Okay that is my list of things I am going to change when I rule the world, feel free to add to it.

2:30 AM!!

2:30 am, that is the time I was at work this morning, after a weekend of dancing, gambling and drinking. I rarely see 2:30 am from staying up too late; I never see 2:30 am from the starting gate. Oh and I woke up at 1:30 am in order to shower and such. Not to mention I live 40 minutes away from work. This deserves a promotion or something.

War on Snails

One of the benefits of living in the middle of BFE is property is affordable. I have land and I had this brilliant idea of planting flowers and tomatoes a few months ago. It was a terrible plan! I feel like I am pulling weeds all the time. My “flower bed” is actually a weed patch!

I have been watching the tomato plants with great anticipation, last week I noticed a group of tomatoes were almost ripe. The day I went out to get the fruits of my labor, my fruits were destroyed! The local snail population had devoured my tomatoes; they were even brazenly dining in front of my very eyes. I have declared war on the snails. I bought some Natty Light (Natural Light) and made a beer trap Monday night. Tuesday morning, no snails in my trap and my tomatoes are still being eaten. Wednesday morning, one snail, tomatoes still a favorite meal to the local snail population. Thursday morning no snails! I don’t know what to do!

I want to get rid of the snails, but I won’t use a commercial poison. Is there something organic besides the beer trap I can try to get rid of the snails? I am serious this is war! I hate to do yard work (something I had temporary forgotten living in a condo), and the snails are eating my hard work.

The last few hours

Yesterday I had a freaky dream, as you all know, and I shared it with all of my friends. As friends of mine they are required to listen too my freaky dreams. The overwhelming response from the males I shared my dream with was along the lines that they would spend their last hours on the planet shagging. It might be that most of male friends have not evolved much past the Homo habilis stage, but every time I think about the “end” of the earth I think about the why and how of it. I focus on the how and why, because fundamentally I know if I figure these things out I can come up with a solution and avoid the whole thing!

In the dream, after Ellen and I got off the bus, we walked around viewing the destruction trying to figure out what had happened. What woke me up was the scientific reason we came up with was not scientifically sound and my mind could not wrap itself around it. At no part in the dream was I afraid.

The whole ending of the earth scenario doesn’t work for me because I know that is not going to happen in my lifetime. However the same question, but asked a different way is what would you do if with your last few hours on earth? Knowing that you were going to die the next day and there was no possible way to stop it. That is a much harder question for me to answer. I don't even have an answer...

The Understanding of Dreams

Last night I had a really weird dream and I wonder what it means….

I had just heard a rumor that the world was coming to an end at 6 am the following morning. I was staying in some type of dorm room on a government lab (in the Midwest) and I was there with all sorts of junior scientists. I was there with Ellen who had a permanent room at the lab; I was just a temporary guest. The general public was not aware of the rumor but all the people in the dorm believed that the world was going to end the following day. Initially Ellen believed the rumor too. I kept asking people, “How is the world going to end?” No one knew the answer but they were convinced it was true. I said to Ellen, “This is ridiculous, we are scientists and there has to be a reason. If there is a meteor, we should be able to see it.” I continued on with this argument. Ellen seemed convinced by my reasoning but I wasn’t sure since she avoids arguing with me by pretending to agree with me. I went to sleep that evening convinced that the world was not going to end the following morning.

I awoke at 5:45 am to sheer chaos in the dorms; people were hysterical thinking the world was going to end. I had to work that day and headed off to the shower, Ellen had a private shower so I went to her room to shower. While taking my shower Ellen awoke (she slept the night too knowing the world was not going to end). Ellen came in the bathroom to talk to me while I showered. Now this is truly amazing because the only time Ellen sees 5:55 am is from staying up all night long! The instant the clock struck 6 am, Ellen, I and part of the bathroom was on a bus somewhere in the desert! The bus stopped and the driver announced “End of the line, everyone off the bus.” And everyone got off the bus including Ellen and I. On the street we noticed complete chaos and destruction, like the world had just come to an end.

I awoke at this point in the dream. I have no idea what it means any ideas???

Secrets

I have noticed a common theme in the books I have read recently, the main character is tormented by a personal secret that they believe they can’t share. The secret ends up destroying them. I have a really hard time with this concept, it is not someone else’s secret they are keeping, and it is their own secret. I cannot keep my own secrets to safe my life, and I don’t think I am unique in this. I can keep other people’s secret, but not my own. If I fall for someone, even if it is someone I shouldn’t I can’t keep it too myself for every long. In fact it is usually less than a week before I tell someone. If I am feeling afraid or insecure, it is off my chest the second I talked to a friend. Any personal secret I have is fast off the lips and I have never been able to keep my own secrets.

The idea that someone could keep a personal secret, a personal fear, desire, love interest, want; to themselves just amazes me. I am not wired that way and I don’t think most people are. I think authors miss that most people do not keep their own secrets. Sure I am still tormented by my personal secrets but within a finite amount of time I share that secret with someone; usually someone I deem completely trustworthy. Am I wrong in this thought? Dear Readers do you keep your own secrets or are you like me and share them with someone almost immediately?