Little Monster

I have been so busy at work that I don’t have time to blog. I know! It is truly amazing, how can anyone not have time to blog? I don’t even have time to read me favorite blogs. I love being busy at work. In fact the main reason I left my last position was that I was not busy enough. It is possible to be working on the cutting edge of science and still be bored.

Now I am so busy and I love it, but in the back of my mind is the little monster asking me why am I so busy? When I focus on the little monster I can’t help but think that perhaps my total involvement in work is my escape from reality. Whenever I have a free minute I start thinking about things I would rather not think about and I immediately ask my manager for more work, and I have to wonder why do I not want to think about them? Is it because I am afraid to change the bad things in my life? When it comes to my professional life I am super proactive, if something is not to my liking I change it immediately. Either by confronting the problem head on, and if that doesn’t work, changing me, which always works.

I can’t escape the feeling that I work so much so I don’t have to have a personal life. I don’t have time to deal with all the things in a personal life that I don’t have the courage to change. I think I am a workaholic and I don’t know if it is in the good way. I do love what I do, and I love the praise and recognition I receive at work and perhaps that is enough. Quiet little monster in the back of my brain!

Meme

I have absolutely nothing I can write about on my public blog so I am going to do Imelda’s meme

A) Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. Analyst
2. Scientist
3. Zoo Keeper
4. Bartender

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Forest Gump
2. The Lord of the Rings; all three of them!
3. She’s all that (Don’t ask, I don’t know why)
4. Bad Santa

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Utah
2. New Mexico
3. Texas
4. Maryland

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Gillmore Girls (it is my dirty pleasure)
2. So you think you can dance? (Another one of my dirty pleasures)
3. South Park
4. Chapelle Show

E) Four places I have been on vacation:
I've been to a lot of places, so I am listing my 4 favorites
1. Barbados
2. Paris
3. San Diego
4. San Juan

F) Four Websites I visit daily:
1. yahoo.com
2. google.com
3. blogger.com
4. my work website

G) Four of my favourite foods:
1. Diet coke with pink cookies
2. Doritos and Salsa
3. Pizza
4. Fresh Peaches

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Anywhere tropical
2. DC
3. Anywhere that isn’t so hot!
4. At home in bed asleep

I) Four of my favourite albums/CDs:
1. August and Everything After- Counting Crows (my all time favorite CD)
2. Back to Bedlam – James Blunt
3. Melissa Etheridge-Melissa Etheridge
4. The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack

I tag whoever wants it.

Waxing

About a year ago I discovered leg waxing. Well I didn’t actually discover it but I did try it for the first time, and I have been hooked ever since. For the record, it really hurts! Not just a little bit either it hurts a lot! The end results are totally worth it. I get my legs waxed every 5 weeks and I don’t even think about a razor or pantyhose in between. My legs looked so good after the wax it is so worth the pain. Though every time I get my legs waxed I claim I am never going to do it again, in fact I repeat to myself that it is not worth it during the process. Five short weeks later I get it done again because in reality it is worth the pain.

The first time I had my legs waxed a Vietnamese women who did not speak a lot of English performed the wax. When she ripped off the first section of wax I shot up from the table and yelled “Mother F**ker!” She understood that word. I was embarrassed but it hurt so much I had a hard time keeping the swearing under control. Each subsequent waxing is accompanied by a few choice phrases but nothing as bad as that first time.

I also get an entire leg wax, including the bikini area, and they touch your stuff. Not in a sexual way but in a very business like way. The first time it happened I was in shock! The same Vietnamese woman put her hand on my stuff and kind of held it out of the way while she waxed my bikini area. I could not stop thinking, “She is touching my stuff!” Her entire hand was touching my stuff. Of course all sorts of non-appropriate thoughts shot through my tormented brain. “Am I turned on?” and “Is she turned on?” Now I am used to this but the first time was a shock in many respects.

When I moved to the middle of BFE I was pleased to discover a woman who does waxing. She does a great job and is very affordable. She thinks my choice phrases are amusing and she talks to me the whole time about town gossip. I really enjoy talking with her. Tonight I am going to get my legs waxed and yes she touches my stuff too.

My First BAW

My very first BAW is interviewing with my company today, and I am so nervous! I know that he would be a great asset to our company that is why I recommended him. I am pretty sure that he won’t give a great interview either. He is modest and shy. He is also one of the cleverest people I know. He and I did our graduate work together (in different sub-fields), and we spent ever day together for 4 years. If I had a problem with my research I would also go to him for help and he never let me down.

It would take my BAW a fraction of the time to solve problems that would take other people days to do. However the only people who knew he was that good were people that worked as closely as I did with him. I think that my recommendation will carry a lot with the people around here. I am also concerned that he won’t take the job if they offer it to him. I know he has been interviewing around the world and is sure to get additional offers. He is supposed to call me when the interview is over and we are going to go to lunch together. I expect the call any moment.

I already love the people I work with, but my original BAW would make this work environment nearly perfect! All I would need is Ellen and Jean-Marc, and my other BAWs here and I would be in heaven!! I have already talked to Jean-Marc and my third BAW about working here, hey guys it is a great job, and the benefits are sweet!

Chest Woman

I have decided that I am a chest woman along with being an abs woman. I have always been really found of abs. In fact I asked the Kid to show me his abs again today and believe me they are amazing! I really think he works on them, periodically the Kid tells me how hard he had been working his abs, and of course I have to ask to see them. The Kid pulls up his shirt and flexes his abs for me. They are getting even more defined then the first time he showed them to me. I swoon when he shows them to me, and I know the Kid loves it. I digress, back to the chest issue…

Today an Engineer called me over to the other side of the area to look at something. This Engineer, a.k.a. the chest man, has an enormous chest. It is so wide, and it looks rock hard too! All I could think about was playing with his chest! Every time I looked at him I wanted to verify (by touch) if it was really that solid. Images of my head on his chest flashed through my mind. I am still an abs woman but I think I am chest woman too. The heat in this building might be getting to me!

I am MELTING!

It is so hot! I am melting. In fact I am melting into a nap. The AC in my building is broken, and it is not going to be replaced until October. I am dying here. I have been so cold in this building because the AC has been out of control, but now I willing to go back to those days. When it was too cold I was not falling asleep at my computer. My breath mints are melting it is so hot in here. They have set up a million fans but when it is almost 100o outside the fans aren’t helping. I think this is considered a hostile work environment. Something has to be done, please!!!

He Stole My Phone!

Last month I went to see Ellen in the sunny southwest and I had a great time too! In fact I had such a good time that I kind of over did it. I do not accept all the blame for my indulgence. It started about noon when Ellen and I went to the local sport’s bar to watch the World Cup. Granted it was only noon, but hey we were watching sports at a bar and I had to have a drink or two, or perhaps a few more.

After the game, came dinner with wine and then we went to another bar. At the bar I did every slightly tipsy woman does; I started sharing all my deepest and darkest secrets with Ellen. Fortunately for me she already knew them all so I did not shock her. Of course I was all mushy, telling her (and I still mean it) that I am so thankful that I found her and that she is in my life. There is only so much sappy drunkenness one can take and I decided around midnight, yes 12 full hours later that it was time to go dancing.

At the club, I was so drunk I could barely talk but I could still dance! I made quite a few friends at this point. I knew I had way too much to drink and was done drinking, but I couldn’t prevent men from buying me drinks. I am also a very nice person so I consumed the drinks that were given to me. Honestly the evening was a riot! I convinced a bunch of guys to take off their shirts for me too.

Finally the evening had come to a close and I was ready for a ride home. We had been walking up to this point, but I had a really hard time walking a straight line and hitched a ride home. Upon arriving at Ellen’s super cool house I discovered I no longer had my cell phone! Of course we had to walk back to the club and it wasn’t there and then we walked back to Ellen’s place(again). Ellen insisted I left my phone in the car on the ride home. I insisted that the owner of the car stole it. I recall showing him my phone, and letting him call his number with my phone. I don’t remember getting it back…

The next morning he called Ellen’s phone with my phone and offered to return it to us. This was all very sweet, perhaps Ellen had been correct and he didn’t steal my phone. Well my cell phone bill just arrived with a few extra charges from the night it disappeared. The “sweet guy” made international calls on my phone the night I “left” it in his car. I am back to my original idea the guy stole my phone and made ~ $25 worth of international calls with it, before returning it the next day!

A new personality test

As I was fishing for the meaning of the blue monkey from various men I couldn’t help but associate the answers with a definition of their thought processes. I narrowed down the responses to a few thought processes.

In answering the question do you
A. Increase your knowledge base by looking up the question
B. Do you draw from your knowledge base, even though the answer might be incorrect
C. Do you refuse to answer and not even make an effort
D. Do you draw on your imagination

Apparently I am type A, because I chose to go with a larger sample size and to increase my knowledge base. Not surprisingly the funniest and most imaginative answer came from my second BAW, of course he is the most imaginative person I know. It is also not surprising to me that the most logical answer came from Hugh; I don’t think he ever stops being a scientist. Also given what I know of my current and former colleagues the answers totally fit their personalities. Perhaps we can use the “What does the Blue Monkey” mean to you?” as a new barometer for personalities.

The M. Man

Oh no! I have a really bad feeling about the new guy (the m. man) here at work. He just arrived today and I have only briefly interacted with him but my impression is bad. I got the distinct impression that he felt I was equivalent to a secretary. He asked me for some help with adding comments to a word document, and I no problem helping a co-worker but there was something a little off with the whole thing. My title and position is higher than his, but I am not directly over him. He has just left the military; in fact he was not far removed from my last job. The job from hell, where there were no women or minorities and I had the boss and work environment from hell!

I know I will be able to handle it, if he treats me like I don’t belong in the workplace and should be home barefoot and pregnant, BUT I long for the day when women and minorities are fairly represented in the workplace. I long for the day when the mentality of society changes and encourages women to succeed in the science and engineering fields. AND I really long for the day when I walk into a meeting where I am unknown and the attendees don’t assume I am the secretary. I also long for the Christmas party in the future and not one of the spouses asks me whose secretary I am (not that there is anything wrong with being a secretary). I couldn’t do my job efficiently without my Administrative Assistant.

On the bright side I am going out of town for the next couple days and I will not be where I can blog. In fact I won’t be near electricity, running water or civilization. I am going camping! I promised to bring a camera along for the ride and might post some pictures of the trip.

The Five Things Meme

I've been tagged by Genius to do The Five Things meme, so here goes:

IN MY PURSE/WALLET
Dental Floss
comb
keys
Nicotine Gum
lipgloss

IN MY REFRIGERATOR
Budlight
Diet Rock Star
Cranberry Juice
Cheese
Spicy V8

IN MY CLOSET
clothes
heir apparent blankie (I went through a rough patch lately and had to bring my original one out of retirement)
4 shoe racks
bag full of ear plugs
not an inch of free space

IN MY CAR
Anna Karenina (yes I am taking to and from work)
softball cleats
softball mitt and ball
golf clubs
CDs

5 PEOPLE I'M TAGGING(But only if they want to)
Ellen
Chit Chat Man
Imelda
Zoom
Theresa

The Blue Monkey

I looked at the picture posted on the Scheherazade project this week and drew a complete blank. I had no idea what to write about and started looking at the other participates to see what they were writing about. Then the idea hit me, why not get a larger sample size? Therefore I decided to put my own Spinner on the Scheherazade project for the week; I am conducting a survey and the question is; “What does the "blue monkey" mean to you?”
I am sampling my current and former co-workers.

New BAW; "Is it a drink?"
My comment; Now I know why I like this guy!

The nut guy; "This must be an age thing."
My comment; Oh shoot me if I ever respond to a question like that!

My 2nd BAW; "Corky Thatcher. whatever happened to that budding talent?"
My comment; Now there is no doubt in my mind why I loved this one, I wonder if I can convince him to be my love slave?

DB;"okay,,blue monkey to me (out of context), i would go with something sexual -- like a nickname for penis. so there, you can bin me in the childish male category"
My comment; Oh he is always good for a laugh! What a team player!


Clint; "A monkey that is painted blue."
My comment; He definitely lacks imagination!

Joey; "Doing more mountain west/east coast test huh? Brass monkey, blue balls....."
My comment; It is so easy to confuse them! It is almost like taking candy from a baby.

The Kid; "It is an animology"
My comment; I had to look this one up, see http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/animology/
I think the Kid is on to something with this one!

I couldn’t stop myself I had to ask Casanova.
Casanova; "I would look it up on the Internet but I am being scrutinized and I am afraid the firewall won’t come up in time."
My comment; No comment necessary!

My 3rd BAW; "Why do I have the feeling that this is headed for your blog???"
My comment; I pick the best BAWs on the planet. I hope my new one is as good as my old ones!

Hop-Hop;"The divine Child, the child that is ever in a state of open-hearted wisdom, innocence, trust, simplicity and joyful wonder."
My comment; I never would have believed it, but I miss hop-hop! What a great sport.

Hugh; "Well of course, the blue monkey...:Blue Monkey (Cercopithecus mitis)"
My comment; Oh so predictable, always the logical scientist! Never one to venture out into the realms of imagination.

Sundays

Sunday is the day I spend with my youngest sibling. He is 13 years old, cute and very shy. Of course I am the cool, older sister, at least that is what I tell myself. I pick him up around lunchtime, take him to lunch and then usually we go golfing. I spend time with him in an attempt to give him something positive and uncomplicated in his life. I am not trying to be his mother, but given the huge age difference I am not sure that I am his friend either. In my mind I am providing a positive role model for him. I wish there was a man in his life that would do what I am doing, but since my family lacks positive male role models the job falls on me.

I think he enjoys his Sundays with me. I do tease him from time to time and my teasing has taken root. I tell him, “I know everything, just not all at once.” Yesterday during our conversation he asked me if I was smarter than Bill Gates. He was serious too! Some how I have convinced him that I am smartest person on the planet, it is kind of funny. I told him that Bill Gates was definitely luckier than me, but since I had never met him I couldn’t say whether he was smarter than I. The more time I spend with younger brother the more I gain from the encounter. On Sundays I do my good deed for the week and practice golf, it is a win-win situation for me.

Goodbye my Lover

I fell in love with someone who opened my mind to things I had never experienced before. I had never felt more beautiful, sexier than I did in their arms. My dreams changed when I was with them. I was willing to give up all that I knew to share what we could be together. I felt alive and blissfully happy.

It is over now, and it so hard to let go. I still wish that it could have been different. I still dream that it can all work out. The letting go is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I am still thinking about changing my dreams, just to feel like I did when I was in their arms.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Coward

I am reading Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. This the second time I have attempted to read this book. In reflection I can’t recall why I did not finish the book the first time I attempted to read it, vague memories of it being painfully boring come to mind. I don’t find the book boring at this stage, in fact I can’t wait until I am finished with my work day and will return to the book.

This morning I read briefly before coming into work and I am at the part of the book where after Anna’s confession of infidelity to her husband, Alexei Alexandrovich Karenin, decides how to respond to her betrayal. While reading Alexei’s thought process the current mentality of infidelity in society kept creeping into my mind. I am curious if in 1875 a woman’s infidelity or a man’s was considered intrinsically the fault of the spouse that was betrayed as it seems to be in 2006?

I have read numerous articles about infidelity and the main impression in a majority of them is that there is something wrong with the faithful spouse, or at the very least something fundamentally wrong with the marriage (and implying fault with the faultless party). I also received this impression from Tolstoy this morning. I am deeply offended by this concept. I think the cheating spouse carries all the blame and accountablity for the affair. I don’t like the idea that the blameless spouse is vicitmized twice, once by betrayal and another time by society.

I think the spouse that strayed is a coward. A coward, because they lack the courage to change the situation that they are in. Their marriage is not giving them what the want or need, and instead of having the courage to change their situation they have an affair. They are cowards and have all of the blame.

Can't take my eyes off you

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.

Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..

Thank you Frankie

Update: Day 1 and no atomic fireballs.

I had an extremely full weekend.

Friday, golfing with the kid, a very young and sweet co-worker. The game still sucks but I had a lot of fun golfing on Friday.

Saturday, barbeque with friends.

Sunday I spent the day watching DVDs and reading, and all over relaxing day.

Monday I went waterskiing, which I took to like a natural. I broke my cell phone and will be without a phone for a week.

Tuesday golfing again, I golfed par on one hole (definite improvement). Later that evening I got “Can’t take my eye’s off of you” by Frankie Valli stuck in my head. I danced around my house singing bits and pieces of it at the top of my lungs. Then I realized I have an IPOD and can download the song. Now I have been listening to it on repeat all morning, minus the singing. I don’t want to shock and awe my co-workers with my fabulous singing voice. This morning I was truly happy for few minutes, and it felt fabulous. I think I am on the flip side and things are looking up, with a little help from Frankie.