They kill you with cake

Well golf was a bust! The game started okay. I was actually golfing pretty well for me. I was golfing single and double boogie golf, which is not bad after two weeks. The ladies I was golfing with seemed at first glance okay too. The president is old, but she could golf and the historian is an excellent golfer too. Initially I was super excited about the historian, she was a professional in her 40s never been married and no children. On the surface this seemed like a woman that I could hang out with, but they kill you with cake! So watch out. On the 5th hole they hit me with both barrels; yup I got the whole conversion talk. The historian said, “I don’t what you are, but let me bare my testimony of the one true church” and she took of running with her religion talk from then on. I was so pissed! I golfed a 13 on the next hole (par 4) and my game did not improve from there.

I had forgotten that sometimes people are not sincere; they just want you to join their crazy cult. I ended up golfing a 71 that is on nine holes not 18. I hope softball is better. I love my new job but I need to find some friends.

Ladies Association

I am seriously trying to warm up to the game of golf. I signed up for lessons and had my first one last week. By the end of the lesson I was hitting the ball well. My golf pro wants me to play 3 times a week and practice everyday. I couldn’t lie to him. I told him I would play at least once and practice twice. I actually planned on practicing twice last week but things with the family got in the way. I did practice on Friday and I was hitting about 30%, which is better than the 10% I started with. Tonight I am going to play a round of golf, only 9 holes. I still can’t understand why anyone would want to play 18 holes it takes way too long!

I am going to join the local Ladies Golf Association too. Hopefully I will be able to make friends there. I have been in this forsaken place for entire month and I still have not made one single friend. I can’t sign up for anything either. I have tried to sign up for softball but no one has called me back yet. That reminds me I should send out another email to the softball team. This is just great! Where is medication when you need it?

Wow, I finally got a hold of someone from the Ladies Golf Association and I am golfing with the president tonight. I am a little worried; she sounded about 900 years old on the phone. I may be a doctor, but I am not that kind of doctor and I don’t want her dying on the golf course. I wonder if they will mind if I walk the course. If the president is as old as she sounds I can’t imagine her walking the course. At least I will meet someone!

The other bright spot in my life is the Lawyer will be here in 2 weeks to visit me, and right after she leaves I am off to see Ellen.

Oh the softball guy just called back and I am playing tomorrow night. Did I mention I have not played softball in years? This ought to be entertaining!

Drinking at 13

O to the long weekend. It was a very interesting weekend to say the least. I went to Nevada for a night and had a lot of fun. I always have fun in Nevada, though I would not want to live there. It is an excellent place to visit. I spent the first of the evening with the dice. I love to play craps, but unfortunately I did not bring the proper shoes for the dice table and had to move to the blackjack table. I played there for about 4 hours and made money there too.

Gambling is always great fun for me. I never go to Nevada thinking I am going to win big, I go thinking I am going to have fun and be entertained. I usually only allow myself $20 of gambling money and when it is gone I do something else. I am a “by the books” gambler, and therefore $20 usually lasts me for hours. Well Saturday night it lasted the entire night and I ended up with $120 more than I started with. I also ended up with a pretty nice buzz and entertainment for hours too. Not a bad trip if I do say so myself.

However at breakfast the next morning I received a phone call from an irate Brittany. Apparently my 13-year-old brother decided to drink Saturday night too. My brother drank so much that he was sick all over the house. His nanny went to bed and missed the whole thing. I was schedule to watch my brother Sunday night so his nanny could have Sunday and Monday off. I did not know what to do! Drinking at 13 is a serious thing and needed to be punished but I did not think I was the one to do the punishment. I am not his mother, even if technically I am old enough to be his mother.

I did want to stress to him how important it is not to start drinking at 13, but I did not know what to say to him. I usually have an easy time talking with him because I remember what it was like to be 13, but I did not drink at 13 so I had nothing to go on. I know many of you are parents, what would you do in my situation? What can I say or do to help my younger brother?

Local Bar

I work in the middle of nowhere, seriously. It is a private road 30 miles from the nearest anything. However right on the edge of the access to my place of work is the smallest, cheapest, dive bar that I have ever come across, and every Friday night after work I stop in to have a beer on my way back to society. I thought it fitting to share with you some pictures of my Friday watering hole.

Second set of Abs

The one good ab shot I had on this roll of film did not show up on the disk. I still have not taken the other camera in to get developed yet. I will sometime this weekend and post the pictures.

First Set of Abs

I have been super busy, but Okay Ladies, you asked for it! And here it is. I have another roll of film yet to be developed that has even more pictures. I will post more pictures tomorrow when I have more time.

Abandonment Issues

I am often found of saying, “You can’t let one fraction of your life define the rest of your life.” In spite of truly believing this statement sometimes it is very hard to follow. I have a lot of abandonment issues that stem from my childhood, justifiable so. My first memory of actual abandonment occurred when I was just four years old. I was grocery shopping with my mother at the local store, and I got separated from her. I wonder up and down each aisle for quite a time, and could not locate her. Eventually I panicked and started asking people, “Do you know where my mother is?” Of course this alerted the store managers, and after a finite time it was assured that my mother had left me at the store.

I don’t think she left me on purpose, she just forgot that I was with her. Just like she would forget that I was her daughter and not a female competitor for the affections of her husband. Even though my mother abandoned me at the store I was strangely calm. They asked me how to reach my mother, and I did not know my own phone number but I did know the phone number of my grandparents, who were promptly called and they came to retrieve me. Now this isolated incident is not enough to make one struggle with abandonment issue but it was just the start to the pattern of my life.

I always knew in my childhood if my parents were scheduled to pick me up after dance class that I was going to be forgotten. The pattern was always a little different, so I could not plan ahead. The most frequent is that I would wait in the dark and cold after class for an hour until they recalled that they were suppose to pick me up. However often times I would call after hours of waiting in the dark only to find them at home, and know that I had been truly forgotten. It was always an extreme shock when I walked out of dance class to find my parents waiting for me.

Out my front door

I know I promised pictures of bare chest men, and I did get them but because of the disposable nature of the camera they will not be featured until later this week. However my first day in my new home I went hiking, and this place is beautiful. Two and half blocks from my new front door is a trailhead that leads to this waterfall. Here are some pictures of what is almost literally right out my front door and about a mile and half up a pretty tough hike.

Golf

Yesterday I golfed for the first time in two years and let me tell you it sucks! I hate golf. I used to not be this bad but I am now. I can’t believe in order to play the corporate ladder game that I am going to have to golf. Not only do I have to golf I have to establish a handicap, after yesterday’s display I am positive that it is going to be 36, which is the largest handicap you can have. In order to establish a handicap I need to play 10 rounds of golf, 18 hole rounds. Golf used to be something I did while I was drinking but now I am older and more responsible (yeah right). I just can’t party like a rock star anymore. I also thought naively that golf would be an excellent way to exercise, if I walked the course.

I did walk the course and it wasn’t a great workout, it just took forever. I mean forever! Golf has to be the longest most boring sport on the planet. It wouldn’t be so bad if someone like Tiger were on the course but no such luck for me. I have heard that golf is a sport dominated by men, but the people who collected that data forgot to mention they are not the eye candy type of men. I will be golfing this weekend too. I am going to bring my disposable camera and capture some of the amazing places I end up putting my ball.

The only positive thing about golf is the availability of pink accessories. They have pink balls, pink bags, pink shoes and the kicker pink shafts. I figure if I can’t golf at least I can look good while I am trying to golf.

Brought to you by the letter "L"

Naïve-no-more had this on her blog and assigned me the letter L.

Here's how it works: You take your assigned letter and then write 10 words that start with that letter and explain why they are important to you. I think the letter L is probably the easiest letter in the alphabet to do.

Learn – I love learning. It is part of who I am and how I define myself. I love to do anything that allows me to learn something new.

Library-I honestly don’t know how I would live my life without libraries. I can spend hours browsing through the books. I find myself sitting at one of the tables in a library researching the most obsecure things. I love the way a library smells and the reverent hush of the place. I love that the librarians are always very friendly and helpful. I love the children’s book section, and know that every time a child checks out a book they are making themselves and therefore the world a better place. I love leaving with a stack of books and contemplating which one I am going to read first.

Listening-For me, this is the most important quality a friend or a mate can have. I won’t really talk to someone who I don’t think is really listening to me, but when I have someone who listens to me I can talk for hours. Listening to me is the key to my heart.

Linda-One of my best friends in the entire world and she listens to me. I talk with her every day no matter where in the world I am and she always listens to me.

Lillies-I love flowers. I buy them for myself all the time and lillies are a wonderful flower to have on my table in the summer. I am a sucker for flowers, I will forgive almost anything if the apology is accompanied by flowers.

Life-This one is a given. Even though I have dealt with unpleasant stuff in my life, I still love life.

Leaves-I love green and growing things. I loved DC with all the leaves it had to offer.

Lollipops-I can’t help it, I love lollipops! My favorite ones are Charms Blow Pops. I am so happy when I have a lollipop. I have to share my happiness with everyone when I have one. I will go around and say to people, “I have a lollipop”.

Lingerie-I just love the way is feels against my skin. I also feel just a little sexier knowing that I have it on underneath my clothes.

Love-I saved the best for last. I love that there is so many people in my life that love me. Their love is more important to me than anything else in my world, and I am lucky to have found them.


Okay there it is, and if you want to play just let me know in the comment section and I will assign you a letter too.

Rock Hard Abs

At times I love working in an all male workplace. Today is one of those days. I was in my cubicle and I couldn’t help but over hear one of my male co-workers tell another co-worker about his workout schedule. He was saying that he runs every other day and lift weights the days he is not running. I had to put my two cents in, and said, “Let me see your stomach” I am such a tummy woman! Rock hard abs are really what does it for me. Over walks this very young co-worker and he un-tucks his shirts and shows me his abs. Ladies they were fabulous! Not an ounce of fat on his body and 6 well defined abs. They weren’t quarter abs, you know the type that are so defined you could set a quarter on top of one and it not fall off, but they were dime abs! Ladies, you would be surprised at how many men are willing to take their shirts off for you, all you have to do is ask. However, be warned only ask the men that look like they have nice bodies!

Happy Blog Anniversary

Oh my gosh!!! I almost missed it, but as of today I have been blogging for entire year. In honor of my 1st blogging anniversary I have complied a list of my favorite entries from the past year.

Women and Trucks

Boyfriends (or Girlfriends) at Work

Wild Animals

If a man can move on the dance floor, then he can move in the bedroom

Casanova

Tears of Power

Little Big

To the man who loved me unconditionally

In the dark

Read to me

Time to Grow Up?

There are times in my life that I feel like I should grow up. This is one of those times. However I am not sure what growing up means. I have grown up things in my life, a job, a house, retirement investments, savings, vehicles, etc. The only grown up thing I don’t have in my life is a child. However I know that having a child does not define a grown up. So what exactly does define a grown up?

I still have a strong desire to go out on Friday night with my friends and tie one on (so to speak). Is growing up no longer wanting to party on the weekend? However as I am getting older I am finding that my friends who want to go out with me are getting younger as I am getting older. Most my friends my age, have settled down. I can’t help but feel that I am getting too old for my lifestyle, especially when I am the oldest one in the group. I guess this comes from moving to a new area where everyone my age has a family and I feel like I am not doing life right. In spite of the new area, all my friends in DC were looking to settle down, even if they had not done it yet.

I wonder what are the benefits to growing up? It seems like a lot of work and awful boring to be a grown up. I still enjoy having a bag of popcorn for dinner and not cooking a thing. I don’t think eating popcorn for dinner is a very grown up thing to do. It seems to me that something that I don’t quite have defines a grown up, and perhaps it is time for me to get it and grow up.

Goodbye

How much is going to hurt when I say goodbye to you?
I hope that I will be able to hide that hurt from the world.

Am I going to bleed inside?
If I am bleeding inside I am going to hope that the blood does not flow to the surface.

Am I going to have a hole in my heart that used to be filled with you?
I am going to try and fill it with something else.

Will I be in anguish when I tell you goodbye?
If I am in anguish I am going to hope I can smile on the outside.

Will I crumble under the pain of saying goodbye to you?
I am going to hope I have the strength to put on a brave face.

I know it is going to hurt and I am afraid.
I am very afraid, but I am still going to say goodbye to you.

Will I be incomplete without you?
Was I complete with you?

Personality Type A

I was just informed I am a type A personality. I am not sure what a type A personality is, but apparently after a week at work my co-workers have already figured this out. Let me give you some background information; I was involved in a series of meetings this morning where engineers and scientists presented a new idea or process for okay from management. The VP in the meeting was very smart and there was no BS. He immediately stopped the first speaker and asked what is the big picture and what is the problem; being brand new to the company I really appreciated the fact that he forced the issue right from the start. I loved the way he handled the meeting and I looked forward to the day that I am in a similar position and can run a meeting like that. He forced the speaker to go right to the heart of the matter and justify why we were all there. He asked all the important questions and did not need view graph after view graph that only specialists would appreciate or understand.

When I returned from our meeting a few of my co-workers started bad mouthing the VP. I said I appreciated his style and if all meeting were run like that we get a lot more done. This is when I was informed that both the VP and I have type A personalities. Granted I am a bottom line kind of woman, and I hate people beating around the bush and not seeing the big picture. If this is a type A personality than I happily embrace it! However I don’t think it was meant as a compliment.

Myth Buster

I have been told about the email or phone call that alerts all men to new women in the workplace. I actually thought it was a myth. I could not imagine any adult man sending out an email, “Hey have you seen the new woman.” Today is a day for myth busters, I was working in another area this morning and I swear the call went out. The area I was working in is very remote and yet at least 40 different men found a reason to come over to this building this morning. Initially I did not observe the increased traffic until I became aware of a safety notice stating that only 6 people worked in that building.

After that I became suspicious and started to notice the behavior in the increased traffickers. Sure enough they would come in twos or threes, in the front door and stand there and try not to look like they were looking at me. When they had a sufficient viewing session they would leave. Most of them did not even try disguising what they were doing by pretending they actual had a reason to be in that building. It was truly amazing. I am not sure if it was flattering, but it was amazing.

I can’t help but wonder what was the call that brought them to view me and what was the commentary after said viewing. It can’t be all that flattering; I was wearing a lab coat and safety glasses. I do not look good in safety glasses.

Not everything

This is not unique
This is not original
This not the first time
This is not everything

I have been here before
You have been here before

This seems unique
This seems original
This seems like the first time
This seems like everything

I have been here before
You have been here before

This is the first time for us
But this is not everything

Rocket Scientist

Okay so much for anonymity, I just have to share this experience! I am now a rocket scientist, granted I have only been a rocket scientist for 5 days but nonetheless I am now a rocket scientist. Today I went to a live firing of a rocket. I will be a good employee and not tell you what kind of rocket it was but it was amazing!

I was taken .75 miles up the mountain from where the rocket was fired. The rocket was clamped down along the front at the igniter. The clamp is enormous, and stabilized with 30 by 15 by 100 feet of concrete. I felt like I was at a NASA launch, broadcasted over the load speaker was t minus 30 minutes to fire messages, arm the igniter, start live feed cameras, initialize sensors, t minus 10 minutes to fire and so one. Until the t-minus 80 seconds count and then the announcement were continuous until finally t minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 then a huge fire ball erupted out the back of the rocket. 4 seconds later the sound wave hit me and I screamed! Yes, the calm, cool, collected scientist screamed. Now I know that light travels faster than sound and logically I should have expected but it was loud and the sound wave associated with the noise knocked me off balance. It was so loud and the sound wave continued to beat against my body. It continued to burn for another 90 seconds, and ever time it was extra loud I jumped repeatedly. Even though I was .75 miles away and it was firing into the side of the mountain I felt like it was going to blow apart the entire place. It was so cool!!! I have never seen anything like it. When it was over, I was like “Oh do it again.”

I love my new job!

General Observations

I no longer work with scientists; they are engineers, which is huge difference from what I am used to. I am the only scientist here. I was brought in to oversee the research and development side of things. Apparently the R&D people would continually talk over the engineers heads, and try to avoid oversight by saying the oversight people were not educated/or smart enough to understand what they are doing, enter me. Management thinks I am just as smart (or smarter than) as R&D and so now I can oversee them. So far it has proven true, my second day I was dealing with R&D and they tried to talk over my head, but I am physicist and have dealt with physicist my whole career and these people have no idea how to truly be an arse. The talk was definitively not over my head and I immediately asked the right questions that stopped the whole trying to talk over my head stuff. Hey, I have learned from the most arrogant scientists in the world. My boss was so pleased with the outcome of the meeting it was amusing.

Many of you might not know this but there is a pecking order in science, and physicists consider themselves the smartest. In fact most physicists do not even recognize biologist, botanist and such as scientist. Physicists are also hostile to one another. For example, when giving an invited presentation at a University or conference it is not uncommon for members of the audience to stand up and yell at you that your work is shit. In fact if they don’t, then your work is probably not considered important enough to comment. In DC I worked with some gigantic assholes, which had perfected the belittling and attacking form of communication. In comparison the R&D people here are down right friendly!

Cubicle

I finally have my office and I am no longer tickled pink about my job. I have a cubicle! I have never had a cubicle before; even in all my years as a graduate student I had an actual office. Sure I have always had to share an office before and granted my office mate drove me crazy from time to time, but a cubicle? Now everyone can know the topic of my phone conversations, what I am working on, the whole nine yards. This is not good. I have already complained. Complaints my first week of work is probably not the best idea, but I am not concerned with getting fired. If I am fired I am sure that I am released from my contract and then I can return to DC.

For the most part I have been too busy at work to think about DC, but when I leave at night the longing sets in. I long for my old crappy condo, where I knew where everything was even in the dark. I long to play football and hockey, even though I have plans to join a basketball team out here. I long for my Sara nights and trying a new area restaurant every week. I long for all the things to do on any given night in the district. Oh did I mention I really miss the Internet??? I won’t have access at home for another week at best. There are other things I long for to but I am trying not to focus on them….

Question

Dear Readers,

I have a question and unfortunately I do not know how to put up a poll (like the Anonymous Coward) thus you will have to leave your answers in the comment section. If you find yourself in a place where you want/love someone more than they love you, do you:

A. Stay with that person and hope that over time their feelings change to match your own?

Or do you

B. Leave and look for someone whose feeling will equal your own?


And finally what are the potential risks of either answer and how do you deal with them?

Sincerely,

Spin Doc

My First Day of Work

Well my first day of work was fabulous!! It started with general safety training that was BORING, but to be expected. After lunch I got to go shoe shopping! No joking, my first day of work and I was shoe shopping. They took me to a mobile shoe-shopping place, complete with three different stores. I was a hit at the shoe store too. I walked through each of the stores looked at all the shoes available, tried a few on in each store and finally picked a pair that I can live with. The whole experience was therapeutic and wonderful even if I was shopping for safety shoes.

I did get a pair athletic shoes that do not look like safety shoes. I asked every last one of the salespeople for pink safety shoes. I think they thought me a little daft, but hey I have a thing for pink shoes! I might try to order a pair online. My new boss was with me the entire time, and I am not sure what he thought. I have already impressed him and not with my shoe selection powers either.

He left me alone this afternoon and I tracked down the supporting information I needed to complete my “First Project”. He did not give me all that I needed and I knew my administrative assistant would know where it was, so why bother him right? At the end of the day he came in a mentioned that he would get me the stuff and I informed I already had it. The look on his face was priceless; he even mentioned how glad he was that he hired me. I told him as long as he kept me busy I would be happy too.